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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Too fast and now regret?

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Author Topic: Too fast and now regret?
Alaskagirl16
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Last night I went on a date with this guy from work. It was a really fun time and we both said we enjoyed it. When he dropped me off he gave me a kiss goodnight and I went inside. He sent me a text message about half an hour later asking if I'd be his girlfriend. I said yes, and we talk for a little bit longer then I went to sleep. Today, we've been talking and he's super happy I said yes, but after sleeping and thinking...I'm not so sure I should have said yes. He's a perfect gentleman, and one of the nicest guys I've met in awhile but I think I'm regretting saying I'd be his girlfriend. I dont want to hurt him, especially since I said yes, but I dont know what to do, because I don't think I want to be his girl....help?
Posts: 63 | From: America | Registered: Jul 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Natalie H
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If you don't feel comfortable with it, that's perfectly fine. You need to tell him. Explain to him that you jumped ahead with out really thinking about it, and you'd like more time before committing. Remind him that you DO think he's great, but just don't feel too sure about becoming boyfriend/girlfriend.

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Bicycle? I prefer a homocycle.

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Alaskagirl16
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Thanks. I just don't want to upset him, and while I can explain on here and to my friends how I feel...I don't know if I can tell him..
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Heather
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Honestly, if you feel like you can't ask this person for what you need already, I'd say it's all the more important for you to speak up. Walking into a relationship where you aren't voicing what you want right from the start is bad juju, and a recipe for disaster.

So, I'd do all you can to figure out a way to tell him about how this all moved way too fast, and you like him a lot, but want to take things more slowly. that shouldn't upset anyone who is emotionally healthy. If it deeply upsets him, that's a big red flag that this isn't someone to get involved with right now, period.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Alaskagirl16
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Whats a good way to go about telling him this?
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Heather
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You seem to be saying you really like him a lot, but that you feel like agreeing to any kind of commitment after one date was way too fast for you (no shocker, there), something you should have thought through before agreeing to. That you really need more time before that's a place you feel ready to go, and would like to take that time with him.

And that's pretty much what I'd say.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Alaskagirl16
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I told him it wouldn't work out right now. He was surprisingly ok with it. Thanks for your help everyone [Smile]
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nervousnellie
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I've been in your situation and I ended up really regretting it later. I went out with a guy I wasn't so sure about and he kissed me DURING the date and asked me at the end of the night if I would be his girlfriend and I agreed. I felt so bad about it that I didn't tell anyone for a week so they wouldn't know I had moved so fast. I realized really quickly that he wasn't the guy for me and I was very unhappy in our relationship. It only lasted a few months.

My advice is to tell him you really like him and still want to date him but that you think it is a little early to put a label on it. If you are honest now, you will have an easier time being honest with him down the road and that makes for a healthier relationship.

Posts: 4 | From: Atlanta, Georgia | Registered: Oct 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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