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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Not ready for love

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Author Topic: Not ready for love
lilystar87
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Member # 49225

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Heres the story. I recently had been dating a guy for 3 years. It wasn't going anywhere and i wasn't happy so i broke it off. Well, during those years of my relationship, a guy from work liked me. I knew this but i figured nothing would ever happen. so we just became friends.

After my breakup i needed a friend, so we hung out, one thing led to another and we became intimate. He wants a relationship and i just got out of one. I am totally not ready for this, and i feel selfish for what i have done to him. i was vulnerable and i needed someone, and he was there. i sound like a jerk but i like him too. just not ready for a full blown relationship. What should i do?

Posts: 3 | From: Texas | Registered: Oct 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Carpe Diem
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Member # 47124

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The only thing you really can do (for yourself and for him) is be honest with him.

There's no need to feel bad, these things happen all the time, but now that you are aware that you do not want a relationship with this person in the same way he does, it is best to tell him that.

I know it sounds simple, but in this case honesty is the best policy.

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"Find a place inside where there's joy, and the joy will burn out the pain."
-Joseph Campbell

Posts: 210 | From: Canada | Registered: May 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Natalie H
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quote:
Originally posted by lilystar87:
I am totally not ready for this, and i feel selfish for what i have done to him.

Can I just say, you didn't do anything to him. The fact that you two got intimate (which I have to say was on both your parts, and really you might have been a bit vulnerable because of the break up) and that he wants to be in a relationship with you isn't anything you did to him. You aren't selfish.

This is perfectly logical and actually quite smart of you to want to hold off until you're ready for a relationship. It's healthy that you can recognize that you are not prepared for it. You just need to tell him that you aren't ready, and he should understand since you've become close and I'm sure told him all about your last relationship.

You might also want to tell him that this is a time of healing for you and the best thing he can do is just be your friend (the way you had intended) and not pressure you into jumping into another relationship until you're in a place that you can actually be completely in it and comfortable. If you get into a relationship before that it wont be half as worthwhile as if you had waiting til you were ready.

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Bicycle? I prefer a homocycle.

Posts: 118 | From: Houston | Registered: Aug 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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