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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » is it worth it or not?

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Author Topic: is it worth it or not?
cutie2626
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my boyfriend just recently dumped me and the reason was because i was "sad" all the time. he thought i had some sort of depression that would never go away and he didnt want to have to deal with that. but i dont. i was sad all the time because after a year and a half he changed into a total different person. he started to act really immature always wanting to hang out with his friends to smoke and drink he would make plans with me and if his friends called him on the same day he would cancel with me, he became really rude to me and didnt really appreciate me and all he wanted to do when we hung out was have sex. i was confused and knew he was making me unhappy but i didnt want to leave him because i was scared that i would be more sad because i loved him. we broke up and honestly i felt alot happier. but about a week ago he wrote a letter asking me back and i dont know what to do? he also kept bringing up how i didnt trust him and that affecting our relationship which i know it did but it was my owm personal issue that i have always had and i was working on it really hard but he said my efforts where not good enought. on a side note he refused to work on the things that bothered me about him. what should i do?

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<3

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Stephanie_1
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Cutie: While obviously the choice has to be your own, it sounds like he wasn't really mature enough for the type of relationship that you were looking for just yet. He wasn't keeping plans you'd made together because of friends, and not accepting you for who you are knowing you were working on things on your own. I also see you saying you really were happy after the break-up, and that's something I think you should really think about. You weren't happy with him, but were after you were apart.

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"Sometimes the majority only means that all the fools are on the same side" ~Anon

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cutie2626
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but why is this all my fault? how can i relationship all be my fault just because i was sad? i was sad over him. and i did so much for him and this is what i get in return [Frown]

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<3

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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Clearly, this isn't all your fault.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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cutie2626
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so is he worth it or not?

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<3

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Heather
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Well, let's start here: what do YOU think? What do your gut instincts tell you? What does your previous experience tell you?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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cutie2626
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It's not worth it. Why should I be with a guy that made me cry everyday and won't accept me for who I am. I guess I am just scared to move on due to the fear of never finding anyone else again

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Heather
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And if you want my second option, I'd make that same call, were I in your shoes.

Let's consider this: if the choice is -- and it rarely, if ever is -- being in a romantic relationship with someone who makes you feel like crud, or not being in any romantic relationship at all, which really seems like the better choice? Again, that's not likely a choice you have to make, but even if it was, what's so much better about being with someone who makes you unhappy than being on your own?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Love to love
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I know that Heather and Stephanie have already spoken with you about this, but I wanted to let you know you're not alone. I know exactly how you feel, my boyfriend does/did the same things. But he has tried to change his ways, but he knows that if he doesn't I'm going to leave because I deserve better. As so do you! No guy should change and then blame it on you. Thats not fair to you. You've done nothing wrong from what I can see. I would like you to tell to forget about him (but that is your choice) but I also know its a lot easier said then done, because you do love them. :/

[ 08-05-2010, 06:00 AM: Message edited by: Love to love ]

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cutie2626
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I hope I won't regret not getting back together with him. He is so cold hearted. And thanks for all this advice

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<3

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