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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Jealousy/confidence issues

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Author Topic: Jealousy/confidence issues
Member # 47733

Icon 1 posted      Profile for JordanGM     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I love my girlfriend, we've been together for 10 months and I don't want to think about losing her.. My problem is that I get jealous extremely easily.. I do have some self-confidence issues that I'm trying to sort out, so maybe that's one of the reasons..

My gf often calls other guys hot, and when she does I feel like crap. I feel like I'm just some ugly guy she's with because that's all she thinks she can get. I think I'm improving slowly, like I used to have really bad acne and I paid 1000$ to get it cleared up, and I work out 3 times a week (although since I'm really skinny it doesn't show much) I also talk more, and I'm more open with people I don't normally talk to. I used to be completely closed in, wouldn't ever show emotions or anything..

I want to be able to trust her.. she has a lot of male friends, and I know (well, think) they're only friends, but I've read her texts before and it's like light flirting..

I went to her family reunion and there was a baseball tournament, and it was in another town. She had a friend (a guy, don't trust him at all) and she was texting him to meet and hang out during a baseball game without telling me. I ended seeing her text him and the guy didn't end up going.. I asked her why and she said "I don't know or care really".. :S

Deep down, I know she wouldn't cheat on me with one of her guy friends.. but just the thought of her doing it pisses me off.

She doesn't really get horny much. She does sometimes, and it's really hot and we have crazy sex and it's all good.. but sometimes I'll try to be sexy and stuff, do things to try and turn her on. Not just for sex, but because I know she likes it. Like I'll give her a back rub or be really flirty or something and she just gets frustrated and not into it so she stops.. Then we'll be watching tv and she'll see a Twilight commercial or something like that and be like "Oh my god he's so hot" like a little horndog or something.

How can I trust her and not be jealous of guys that I know she'll never even meet... (like those assholes from Twilight)?

I'm not really expecting much help from this post, it's mostly just a rant, but if you can offer some suggestions that'd be great.

Posts: 20 | From: Ontario | Registered: Jul 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 47095

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Cesario     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I know the feeling. I'm prone to the same sorts of feelings, so if nothing else you aren't alone in that.

I get jealous of her male friends (and some of her female friends) and I know it's irrational. It's hard talking to her about it without feeling like I'm coming off as creepy and possessive. And that makes sense to me, because it feels creepy and possessive, which is what I try to remind myself when those feelings crop up. Doesn't stop me from feeling them, but it does keep me from doing something stupid.

If it helps, I've found that for me, those feelings are strongest when I understand the least about her relationship with these other people. The less she talks about them, and the less I know about how they interact together, the more prone I am to irrational jealousy.

In the other direction, the more I know about the other person, the better I can contextualize their interactions, the less likely I am to jump at proverbial shadows.

Yes, it feels like a stupid reason for getting to know her friends, but I already feel plenty stupid with the seething fits of irrational, unexpressed jealousy anyway.

Posts: 64 | From: United States | Registered: May 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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