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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Failing relationship? :(

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Author Topic: Failing relationship? :(
JordanGM
Neophyte
Member # 47733

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So since school ended and summer began, I've felt sort of distant from my girlfriend of 9 months.. We used to talk on the phone every night, for 1-2 hours, and she seemed very happy. But since school has ended, she's been working a lot more, pretty much 5-6 days a week, and we don't hang out much.

I still talk to her on the phone every night, but barely.. she's always tired, which is understandable, but she doesn't even send me e-mails anymore. She tells me to send her an e-mail telling her about my day because we didn't have much time to talk about it, so I do, then I don't even get a response from her..

When we are on the phone now, we don't really talk like we did before. It seems like we've ran out of things to say.. She works a lot, and usually when she's off we hang out, or she hangs out with her best friend. I accept that, I don't expect her to want to be with me every day she doesn't work. I even try to make sure she actually wants to hang out and isn't forcing herself to because I want to..

This summer is going to be rough.. I don't have a job, and I basically hang out with two good friends all the time, but one is moving, and he's really the reason we do anything. He drives, me and my other friend don't. I don't really like the other friend that much, he's pessimistic and always wants to smoke dope. I told myself last night that I'm quitting weed, so hanging out with that friend might not be a good idea..

Is my relationship with my girlfriend dying? I really love her, and I would do anything not to lose her.. Is there any hope? I'm so confused..

I would ask her about it, but whenever things have seemed this way in the past (Not this bad though) I would ask and she would tell me to "stop assuming things, everything is fine" so I don't want her to think I worry for nothing..

Please, I need advice on what to do..

EDIT: I'm looking for a job, and I have been for nearly a year now.. It's hard to find, I have no experience and right now where I live all the adults that are getting laid off are taking teens' jobs like Mcdonalds and that crap.

I have low self-esteem (trying to work on that) but I feel like if my girlfriend and I break up I'll lose control and resort to weed.. and that'll screw up my life because I'll get unmotivated and stuck in the same loop I was a year ago..

[ 07-13-2010, 12:32 PM: Message edited by: JordanGM ]

Posts: 20 | From: Ontario | Registered: Jul 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Carpe Diem
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Member # 47124

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I'm sorry that you are experiencing stress about this Jordan.

I know you said that you have tried to talk to your girlfriend about this in the past, but I really think that another attempt at communication would be beneficial for you both. How long has it been since you guys have had an open discussion about your relationship? She may be dealing with her own stressers in life, whether from her job or elsewhere, and perhaps she wants to talk with you about it but doesn't want to drag you down, so to speak, so she withdrawals instead. Of course I can only speculate on that, there could be a number of factors contributing to this situation.

Another thing that may help you dwell on this less would be to involve yourself more in other activities. I know you said that you have been looking for a job, and until you find one how about looking into free classes/sports at your local community centre. This can also be a great oppertuinity to meet new friends, since I know you said that one of your buddies is moving soon.

I also just breifly want to speak to the last sentance in your post. While you may not have ment it this way, you can't blame your ponential use of weed on the hypothetical break-up of your relationship, since of course you and you alone are in control of your actions.

I hope everything works out for the best!

--------------------
"Find a place inside where there's joy, and the joy will burn out the pain."
-Joseph Campbell

Posts: 210 | From: Canada | Registered: May 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
JordanGM
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Member # 47733

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Thanks for the advice. I didn't mean to make it seem like I blame weed for the break-up, but I know if I don't stop it could contribute to it..

I'm an *******, I told her I quit weed 7-8 months ago and have been hiding it since. I feel so bad about it, and I know if she would find out we'd be over right away.. I don't deserve her.

I know waiting this long to quit was a mistake, but seeing that things could be over makes me realise how much I've been taking her for granted.

I agree that I should try to find new activities, but does anyone have any suggestions? I'm not really into sports, I'm not really out of shape I just don't enjoy them that much. I've tried playing guitar/bass but I never stay attached and it gets too boring after awhile.

Posts: 20 | From: Ontario | Registered: Jul 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
mma
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YES!! Volunteering!

It'll give you something to do and help you make new friends, keep you from being bored and reaching for weed, give you something interesting to tell your girlfriend about when you do talk to her, AND help you gain valuable experience that will help you land a job.

Please don't beat yourself up about hiding the weed. Yes, it would have been more ideal if you had quit when you said you did, but you can't unring a bell, so just press on, ok? Rather than worrying about what you're taking out of your life, find something to put INTO your life that'll redirect you to healthier activities. Like volunteering. [Smile] It has all these positive benefits for you, AND has the added benefit that you can find something you're really passionate about and make a little difference/make your world just a little bit better place.

--------------------
http://www.safeplace.org

1-800-799-SAFE (7233)
http://www.ndvh.org

Posts: 116 | From: Texas | Registered: May 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
JordanGM
Neophyte
Member # 47733

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Thanks. Volunteering sounds like it has a lot of benefits.. I'll try to think of somewhere I could volunteer that would be fun. I don't really have many hobbies, just boring stuff like xbox, friends etc..

I'm really skinny.. I've always wanted to start working out, and I do a few times a week but it's just basic stuff like pushups and dumbbell stuff.. I don't have money for a gym membership but I might look into better exercises to do at home and a new diet.

Posts: 20 | From: Ontario | Registered: Jul 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Carpe Diem
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Volunteering is definitley a good opportunity. Lots of places eagerly accept volunteers and along with knowing that you've made a bit of a difference it is also a great asset for your resume.

Other things you could try might include something creative. You could give art, photography or community theater a shot if that interests you. Also, meditation classes are often available for free in certian settings, and it also may help you cope with some of your stress.

Per the weed, lots of people wished they had quit before they did, but you are making the commitment now, so you gotta give yourself props for that instead of bagging on yourself. You could've put it off for longer but you didn't, you stepped up and said "I'm gonna try to cut this out of my life", and that's credit worthy fer sure.

[Smile]

[ 07-13-2010, 02:33 PM: Message edited by: happybunny123 ]

--------------------
"Find a place inside where there's joy, and the joy will burn out the pain."
-Joseph Campbell

Posts: 210 | From: Canada | Registered: May 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
JordanGM
Neophyte
Member # 47733

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Here's me asking her what's wrong on msn: She's so hard to read sometimes it's unreal..

Jordan- says:
Yeah
Is everything going good with you?
Girlfriend: iloveyoou says:
Ya why?
-Jordan- says:
just asking
Girlfriend: iloveyoou says:
Why
-Jordan- says:
no reason
Girlfriend: iloveyoou says:
okay?
Is it because you think there's something wrong?
-Jordan- says:
Nah
Girlfriend: iloveyoou says:
You sure?
-Jordan-- says:
I think there's something wrong, but everytime I think that you say you're fine and I feel stupid for worrying for nothing
Girlfriend: iloveyoou says:
Lol
it's probably because im not talking much bc i was writting u an email
-Jordan- says:
Oh
See now I feel stupid
Girlfriend: iloveyoou says:
Why?
You shouldn't
-Jordan- says:
Dunno I feel like an idiot for worrying lol

Girlfriend: says:
Okay?


_____

She seems so moody.. No she's not PMSing

Posts: 20 | From: Ontario | Registered: Jul 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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