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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » respecting boundaries

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Author Topic: respecting boundaries
Cloverdance
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Member # 47739

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I just reread the Hello Sailor article about healthy relationships, and I paid really close attention to the part about respecting limits and boundaries. However. I think I still need some help applying it to real life.

This isn't about a romantic relationship, but I don't think that matters. Anyway. Sometimes I have trouble explaining why my boundaries are what they are. Should that matter at all when it comes to other people respecting them? I get really uncomfortable when I'm in a house alone or with a small amount of people and the door is unlocked. I don't have any reason for being like this, I was never robbed or anything, it just makes me feel unsafe. I was watching a movie at my friend's house tonight and I noticed that her door was unlocked. I was going to get up and lock the door but she said that her roommate was coming home soon, so she was leaving the door unlocked for her. I guess so she didn't have to mess with her keys in the dark. I didn't argue with her or anything because that seemed like a good reason to me, while I didn't have a reason at all for being nervous. Plus, it's her house and not mine and she lives in a really safe neighborhood. So I was just quietly nervous until her roommate came home, then the door was locked and I was fine.

So I guess what I'm asking is, should boundaries still be respected even if they don't make any sense? When you can't explain yourself does that mean that your boundaries could be wrong somehow or selfish or something?

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The meaning of happiness is whatever you want it to be.

Posts: 23 | From: US | Registered: Jul 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Cloverdance
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Member # 47739

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This is just a random extra thought, but whenever I think about trying to express boundaries with no good reasons to back them up, it reminds me of how my parents treated me when I was a little kid and I questioned a house rule. "Why can't I go to Becky's house?" "Because I'm your mother and I said no, that's why!" So I do kind of worry that I would sound crazy and unreasonable.

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The meaning of happiness is whatever you want it to be.

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Brittanycookie
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I dont think its strange, when I'm home alone I lock all the doors just because. We've never been robbed either. If it's something you believe in then you should tell your room mate. So in the future she will know. It doesn't bother some people and some it does. My sister now locks the door every time shes here because of me.
Posts: 78 | From: Louisiana | Registered: Jun 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Animica
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I always lock the doors too, so I don't think what you're feeling is strange at all. Same as Brittany and yourself, I haven't been robbed. I just feel at ease knowing that nobody will enter the house, when I'm say, taking a bath, or in my room (unless they have a key of course, in which case it would be nothing to worry about). I think it's reasonable.

Maybe you could talk privately to your friend for a moment, and tell her that the unlocked door makes you feel nervous and unsafe, but not in a way that implies something that might be offensive, such as that you don't trust her judgment. Feelings are not something we can always control (at least certain feelings). Hopefully, she'll understand and be more aware of it the next time you're over at her place. Maybe she will leave it unlocked sometimes, if need be, but maybe she'll decide to lock it the rest of the times. You never know, so I'd suggest you give it a try.

Hope this helps. [Smile]

Posts: 132 | From: La La Land | Registered: Nov 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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