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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » broken up or not?

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Author Topic: broken up or not?
Member # 47551

Icon 1 posted      Profile for wemkl     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
so, three months ago my boyfriend of a year broke up with me, for reasons i'm still not really sure of. ever since then, we haven't gone a week without seeing each other, we still talk everyday, still engage in sexual intercourse, still say i love you and as far as i know we've both not seen anyone else. he claims that we ARE broken up, and every now and then states he no longer loves me, but a few hours later apologises and says he does.

Rob (his name) changes his mind a lot. sometimes he says it's just a break, but most of the time it's as though he's trying to convince himself that we're definitely broken up. i don't know what to do. i know that this can't last forever but i feel as though the break-up hasn't even sunk in yet and when it does it's going to hurt a lot more.

[ 06-27-2010, 01:17 AM: Message edited by: wemkl ]

nah bowse.

Posts: 6 | From: no where. | Registered: Jun 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 47565

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I'd ask him about it again, if he says that you two are broke up. I would stop the sexual things, stop telling him you love him and stop seeing him much. To me, thats acting like a relationship. If he gets mad that y'all aren't doing that stuff anymore, would say he wants a relationship. Then I'd talk to him about it.
Thats just how I would look at the situation.
If he says its a break up I would stop acting like y'all are still together.
Thats me though

Posts: 78 | From: Louisiana | Registered: Jun 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 47608

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I was kind of in a similar position. I had an ex who broke up with me a year ago, but he still kept up the kissing, hugging, nightly-calls and affection, for a month or so. Because of this, I got confused and the break-up didn't sink in for me either.

I liked getting the attention and pretending/hoping as if he changed his mind about breaking up, but sometimes he'd tell me "he couldn't do this anymore and had to stop this," about every other day. He kept changing his mind too, and I was constantly either forgiving him and feeling high from his occasional affection, or feeling miserable that he suddenly didn't want me on certain days. Either way, I wasn't happy in that pseudo-relationship, but I didn't realize it.

That went on for about a month until he met a new girl, then he immediately stopped any and all contact with me. I was confused and devastated.... but I later realized he was a jerk who strung me along until he got bored and found someone else.

Anyway, it doesn't sound like he really knows what he wants from you... and for me, my ex's vagueness and indecision ended up being a lot of unnecessary pain and drama. Does he want an actual relationship from you, or sex, or both? If he really loves you like he says he does, why does he keep changing his mind? I think keeping up the physical relations while you're "broken up" will only hurt and confuse both of you.

If you find yourself being unhappy with everything, you should let him know that you can't take his behavior any longer and ask straight up if he wants to be with you or not. Take some time apart. It might hurt a lot... but it could be worse if you keep dragging it for a long time =/

Personally (if I was in your situation), no matter how much I liked him, I would probably end it and be able to let myself move on.

Posts: 5 | From: CA | Registered: Jun 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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