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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Good or Bad Idea?

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Author Topic: Good or Bad Idea?
loveyoumake
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Hi everyone,

I kind of have a general question. I'm taking a human sexuality class right now and we're talking about self disclosure in relationships. Do you think it is a good or bad idea to talk about past relationships with a current partner? I know that it is a good idea to talk to your partner about what you both like sexually so you can better your relationship together, and that it is also a good idea for you and your partner to talk about STD's and things of that sort.. but what do you think about talking about past relationships? Is it too much and something that your partner doesn't need to know?

Thanks for any insight.

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orca
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I don't think I've ever even just dated someone who didn't talk about their past relationships. That talk usually comes up even in the first few dates, and if it doesn't, then I tend to ask as part of getting to know the person. It's a part of who you are and it affects all future relationships and interpersonal communications. To be honest, I'd be a little concerned if someone didn't talk about past relationships (unless, of course, they've never had any). It's also a good way to gauge what kind of person they are based on how they talk about exes. So, is it a good idea? I think so, because past relationships are always going to have some impact.

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loveyoumake
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Thank you Orca! Yes, this is what I think too, but people in my class have opposing views (and that's ok) and think that you should never talk about past experiences with a partner because it can make the person you're with now jealous. But yet you chose to be with the person you're with now, not your ex, right? Thank you for your input [Smile]
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Animica
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I think it's definitely important to share info on past relationships with your partner, because it's another way to get to know each other, apart from spending time doing activities and the like. Communication is essential in a relationship, I believe, and if your partner is someone you see yourself with for a long time, then there's nothing to hide. I'd say it's better to let them know from the beginning, so that there are no surprises later on in the relationship. =)
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Heather
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quote:
you should never talk about past experiences with a partner because it can make the person you're with now jealous.
I hope someone in your class, ideally your prof, talked about how jealously isn't something someone else can create in another person at all: how that's about THAT person's own feelings and issues, not about how someone else's words might trigger those feelings.

In a healthy relationship, we should be able -- with healthy boundaries and some etiquette -- to talk about our sexual history with partners. If that's a total no-no, that can be a signal we're not in a healthy relationship or not with an emotionally healthy person.

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loveyoumake
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I completely agree with you Heather. Jealousy isn't something that you make happen, but rather that's how the other person is feeling.

I don't feel like there is ever something that you shouldn't be able to talk about with your partner. Communication is so key in a relationship. If we can't talk to our partner, then who can we really talk to?

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Lilerse
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I agree. My most serious boyfriend and I could talk about EVERYTHING. I would ask him about his past experiences - I'm a very curious person and kinda wanted to know as much as I could - and I felt comfortable sharing any of mine with him. Unfortunately, I took this comfortability into my next relationship which was with a guy who was not so happy to listen. He was bothered when I even told an anecdote that included my ex-boyfriend - even if it was a totally platonic story! It really bothered me. It's difficult and frustrating for me to be with someone who I have to be careful what I say around.
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