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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » my girlfriend is too... clingy?

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Author Topic: my girlfriend is too... clingy?
Member # 47030

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I've been dating a wonderful girl for about a year now. We don't officially live together, but it's one of those situations where I'm at her place 6 days of the week and she's at mine for the other one. But lately I've been feeling like we're spending too much time together, and I don't really know how to handle it.

I'm generally a bit of a loner. I have a lot of solitary hobbies (reading, one-person video games), and too much social interaction exhausts me. My girlfriend isn't a social butterfly or anything, but she NEVER wants to be away from me. And when I want to spend time away from her, she takes it as a personal rejection. I don't know how to make her understand that it's good for us to be apart sometimes, because I can't come up with any solid and concrete reasons WHY. (But I'm right, aren't I? For some reason that I can't explain?)

I've tried to discuss this issue a few times, and it's always just led to her feeling rejected. "But *I* never get sick of hanging out with *YOU*!" So I don't really know where to go from here. Help?

Posts: 12 | From: USA | Registered: May 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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Member # 41699

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Hey Olivia, you certainly ARE right [Smile] It really is important that each partner in a relationship has the space they need, and it's important that you don't both spend every second with each other. Maybe you could explain to her that to have a really healthy, awesome relationship, the two people have to come to it as two WHOLE people, and have to have their own full identities outside of the relationship. So if she refuses to spend time without you, that is not giving either of you the opportunity to be your own selves.

This article has a really awesome bit about what you're expressing. You can also check just to make sure you have everything that's included in a healthy relationship otherwise [Smile] For example, I hear you expressing boundaries in regards to space, and she is not respecting the boundary you set. It is very important in a good relationship that partners respect each other's limits and wishes, and she doesn't seem to be doing that well at all. So I suggest having a talk with her about that too.

Here are some other great articles I suggest you take a look at:
Supermodel: Creating & Nurturing Your Own Best Relationship Models
Does Your Relationship Need a Checkup?

Posts: 1311 | From: Ontario, Canada | Registered: Dec 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 46007

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Just wanted to say I've been in your girlfriend's place - my boyfriend needed more space that I did (though unfortunately, unlike you, he didn't tell me this!) - and I couldn't understand why, if he really liked me, he wouldn't want to spend as much time with me as I wanted to spend with him. So I ended up feeling rejected whenever he didn't want to hang out or fool around.
It's definitely important to discuss the issue and to make sure to remind your girlfriend that you do think she's a "wonderful girl"; you just like being alone sometimes. Your girlfriend's and my clinginess are our own problems to deal with, for sure, but it's still nice to be reassured. And I'm sure neither your girlfriend nor I wants our boyfriend/girlfriend to get sick of us either, so keep being honest with her.

[ 05-20-2010, 02:03 AM: Message edited by: Lilerse ]

Posts: 219 | From: Indiana | Registered: Mar 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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