I began seeing my boyfriend about 7 months ago. I am 18 and he is 23. We met in college and obviously it is my first year in college, and his third. In the beginning of the relationship, it was great. We were always having fun and spent a lot of time together. We were sexually active and it was my first physical relationship. After a few months, i decided to go on birth control for him, so that sex wouldnt be a problem anymore and we could have it more often. That was a mistake because I was miserable on it. I was very moody, gained weight and was depressed. He had also broken his arm playing hockey and by both of us being debbie downers it took a toll on the relationship. As months went on, i tried not to pay attention to it, but i just didnt feel the love anymore with him. I felt as if i enjoy aspects of him and not really him as a person. However, many things in the relationship were rocky. I (being the girlfriend) always had to pay for things. Not saying that paying is a bad thing, but its annoying. He never said thank you to me. I felt he took me for granted. I also think that we spent too much time together and i would just get annoyed with him. So, i had enough courage to break up with him. However, i broke up with him and he made me feel guilty so I took him back. Tried it for a week, then broke up with him this sunday. Each day is getting easier and i think i made the right decision. I just want an outside opinion. Did i do the right thing?
I mean, he is a great guy. He treated me fairly well and we had a great time. I will miss him and i will miss dating him. But i think i will do better in college without a bf so i can focus on my studies.
Posts: 21 | From: Illinois | Registered: Apr 2009
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You know, it's not always the right time in our lives for an intimate relationship, and even great people don't always fit well together, want the same things, or find a given relationship together is a good fit.
It sounds like this wasn't a good one for you, still isn't, and that you're also clear this isn't a good time for you. And that is 100% okay, and good for you for being able to sort out what you need and stick to your guns.
-------------------- Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen About Me • Get our book! Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead Posts: 63667 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000
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I second what Heather said. Even really great people who really like each other may not want the same things at the same time. It sounds like you made the right decision and did what you needed to do for yourself. Break-ups are always rather icky so I'd suggest doing whatever you need to do to take of yourself right now.
Also, you mentioned that being on the pill made you feel miserable. I'd suggest checking out some of the articles on this site for other methods of contraception you can use in future sexual relationships that work better for you. If being on the pill is the most convienient method for you, I'd suggest talking to your healthcare provider about maybe trying a different brand. Not all birth control pills are created equal and some work better than others for most people (for example I take Yaz and it works really well for me, but it gave my best friend two-week long periods and made her feel generally awful) Sometimes you have to try different kinds to find one that works best for you if being on the pill is what you want.
I think you made the right choice. You're young and it was your first serious relationship so chances are you probably would have moved on at some point anyway, I think that you still think of him kindly is a great thing and shows a lot of character on your half, especially with the whole 'focus on studys thing' is great. If you feel okay about it then it was probably the right thing to do. Good for you!
Posts: 23 | From: West Chester, Pa. | Registered: May 2010
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