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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Just a messed up relationship...

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Author Topic: Just a messed up relationship...
jdaa
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Member # 46610

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My boyfriend and I have been dating for 3 years now, with seemingly never ending bumps along the road. during these three years, we have only broken up once for about 2 months during these past holidays.

The break up was because of something that had happened in about the first 5 moths we had been dating. He cheated on me. And before we had started dating he had been notorious for cheating and using girls, but he told me I was different and of course I had fallen for it. But he at least had the decency to tell me immediately after it had happened, but it doesnt make it any less devastating. He had pretty much been my first anything, and I had given him something very special, even though I felt hesitation. Anyways, it is safe to say I felt very betrayed and heartbroken. But in the end I still took him back. Because I thought he might change.

From then on, I had trust issues, but I managed to stifle them. He had gone to a party, while I was out of town (my family travels a lot), and had met a new girl there. I couldnt help but remind myself of what he had done to me, but I wanted to trust him. The day after, I went on a trip with him and his family (of whom I am very, very close with) and all he did was constantly text her, and I expressed my frustration with him. That ended badly, because he got mad. But anyways, I had a bad feeling about her and in the end, it came true. He had been lying to me for many moths, sending pictures etc, pretty much emotionally cheating on me beucase he couldnt physically because she doesn't live in my town. Anyways, again I was horribly devastated, but he sucked me in yet again.

Now, we broke up because I was driving myself crazy trying to trust him, and frankly, my feelings had dwindled. I also needed some time to myself, because my parents are currently getting divorced and I am under a lot of pressure to go to university, when I have no idea what I want to do. Anyways, he is pretty much my only friend (thanks to his insane jealousy) so we would hang out almost every day, which I didn't mind. But he would always say how much he loves me, wants me back, etc. And I stayed strong. Anways, there were a few days where I had to take him to many subsequent doctors appointments, and he told me it was for depression so I stood by him. One day we were hanging out, and I asked him to be completely honest about everything that had happened during our relationship. He said nothing. But that while we broke up, he had slept with a girl and had gotten an STI, and that is why he had to attened the doctor so much. Unfortunately, we had sex, and I had gotten the same. I have slept with one person (him) my entire life, and this is what I get? It destroyed me, and made me feel like a slut. He says he regrets it so much etc. THEN. We went to a party, and he admitted to me when he was drunk that he had slept with the same girl again, and gotten another disease. Luckily, we hadn't had sex again after that. AND THEN. He went to stay at his sisters for the week, where a girl also lived that had tried to pursue him while we were dating. Turns out, she gave him "services", all the while he had been testing me saying how much he wants me back, how he will do anything etc etc. And he had said the only reason he didnt have sex with her was cause he couldn't when he was that drunk.

But everyday I have to remember that he suffers from depression and has a brain injury from a dirt biking accident, and that I love his family so much. They consider me their daughter. But honestly, pretty much every bad thing in a realtionship that could happen, has happened and I am on my last string. I don't know why I keep going back but I do. What is your advice? I feel that because of this, and my family falling apart, that I have pushed myself into depression. I am easily irritated by him everyday, and constantly pick fights. He never lets me say how I feel about this relationship, he just tells me to stop and that we are happy and everything is good, but it's not. Whenever we get into an argument, he can go on for hours and hours, but when I finally get a chance to say anything, he tells me to stop picking fights and just to stop. I've pretty much been drivin mad at this point. ANY advice would be awesome awesome awesome. I do have many more frustrations with this relationship, but this will be enough to deal with for now.

Posts: 1 | From: British Columbia, Canda | Registered: Apr 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Ecofem
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Member # 13388

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Hi jdaa, welcome to Scarleteen! [Smile]

I'm so sorry to hear about how things have worked out here. My quick answer is to end this relationship permanently and not look back. He's not only not giving the respect you deserve as a partner but not even really as a friend. He is responsible for how he lives his life and depression is not an excuse for cheating, lying, and essentially abusing you. I know you two have a past of ups and downs together, but he seems like a such a sh*it when I read this. (Usually I try to be more neutral in my replies but here the answer seems pretty clear to me.)

So, it's up to you what do you but I'd end things. I'd also look into counseling if you're not sure why you keep going back. I can understand how you'd be feeling depressed: you're going through a lot here!!! And you deserve to have some more help and support. Do you have some friends you can lean on right now? What about scheduling an appointment at your university's counseling services first thing on Monday? Let's find ways to start making YOU feel better about your life (which will hopefully be without him!!) And please be mad: you have a lot of good reasons to be mad at him! And if that anger can help get you out of the relationship and to a better place, physically/emotionally/mentally, then that's a powerful, good anger!

[Also, just quick: we don't use the word "slut" here because we want to be non-judgemental when it comes to sexual choices. It's one thing to feel bad about a particular situation but it's another when we use negative terms about others. Thanks!]

Posts: 3318 | Registered: Jun 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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