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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Missing intimacy .. HELP

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Author Topic: Missing intimacy .. HELP
mmmChocolate
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Member # 45830

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I've been with my boyfriend for over 6 months, I love him. We have a great relationship. He's caring, sweet, funny, smart and always makes me happy. We have an active sex life, but also have a lot in common.

Lately, I feel like he wants to have sex way more than me (I'm convinced this is due to his astrological sign LOL, he's a Scorpio). All I want to do is cuddle and talk, in the beginning of the relationship, I was on his sexual level. Now, I just kind of miss the intimacy we had in the beginning. He doesn't pressure me or anything, he's just always more hornier than me. He's always trying to grope at my boobs or butt in a playful way, but I find it demeaning. And I just texted him saying how I wish I was with him and he texted back, "Yup, so I can squeeze your *** [Smile] "

It just makes me sad that it's all he thinks or cares about. I don't want him to think I'm a prude or boring, but I want this to stop. How can I bring it up without hurting his feelings?

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:)

Posts: 110 | From: The West Coast | Registered: Feb 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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I think it's helpful to recognize that a partner who loves you and cares for you would be MORE hurt if he continued to hurt you and make you sad without knowing it than h/she would to hear that what they're doing is hurting you, you know?

We have to be honest if we want relationships of quality. So long as you express yourself about this in ways that are kind and compassionate -- no name-calling, lots of "I" statements, such as "I need more non-sexual intimacy" or "I need you to respect my personal boundaries more than you are lately" -- you don't need to worry about hurting his feelings. Talking about these kinds of things and being honest is what builds a really good relationship, not avoiding them.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
EliotDorian
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Member # 37752

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Have you told him that it's emotional intimacy that you miss? If you did, was he receptive or was he dismissive?
And does he treat you with respect in non-sexual settings? Are crude comments right in line with the way he talks to you in non-sexual situations or do you normally feel respected but it's only in this emotional versus physical intimacy arena where he makes you feel less than supported?
Just worth thinking about for now. I'm sorry he's less than sensitive to your needs. [Frown]

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"What's the point of wearing your favorite rocketship underpants if no one asks to see 'em?"

Posts: 87 | From: Virginia | Registered: Mar 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Ronlak111
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Member # 46402

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I think you have to talk with your bofriend that you miss the intimacy. IT you can talk with hem then he can find some solution about the matter. You have to convince that what exact want to need. This can help to resolve the problem.

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Rons

Posts: 31 | From: India | Registered: Mar 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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