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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » lied to my parents about his age.

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Author Topic: lied to my parents about his age.
Member # 46030

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About a month and a half ago, I started seeing my current boyfriend. I met him through a friend of a friend. We kind of hit it off immediately, and when we met, my best friend, her boyfriend, my current boyfriend, and I all made plans to hang out a few days later. When I asked my parents about this, and when they asked his age, I told them that he was seventeen. He is actually eighteen, and I am fifteen. I knew that if I told them that he was eighteen I wouldn't be aloud to see him, which is why I lied. I also lied because I didn't really think that things would go anywhere, and there wouldn't be a problem with telling my parents the truth.

Well, things have gone somewhere, and we both see us being together for a while, which is where the problem comes in. Eventually, we will need to tell my parents that he is eighteen, not seventeen. I would tell them after I turn sixteen, to make it seem a little less like a big deal, but he turns nineteen seven days later, so that doesn't work out very well. I know that me lying to them will be a bigger deal than his age, because regardless of him being seventeen or eighteen, he's still at the same point in his life. I do know that it's wrong that I've lied to them, and I feel really guilty about it, which is another reason why I want to tell them.

I'm just not quite sure how to tell them. I don't know if I should have my boyfriend over when I tell them or not. I also don't know how serious or casual I should be about it. I don't want to be extremely serious about, because they'll freak out and think I'm pregnant (we don't have sex) or something, but I also don't want to be like, "hey guys haha so curt's eighteen but it's cool." The one thing I'm sure about is that I'll tell my mom before I tell my dad, because she takes things much more calmly than he does.

Any advice or words of wisdom or really anything is great. Thank you. (:

Posts: 11 | From: Kentucky | Registered: Mar 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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Honesty is the best policy, really. Whether you want to have him over with you when you tell them is your choice, but it's best to come out in the clear with your parents.

Understandably, you'll probably have repercussions for having lied (which you know) but it is likely better to deal with those consequences rather than to suffer guilt and paranoia about the relationship.

Three years is not a huge age difference, though it seems like it in your teen years. What is more important than that is that this relationship is a healthy one, i.e. needs and boundaries being clearly communicated and respected.

Do pay attention to laws regarding statutory rape in your state, however. I know you said you don't have sex, but in some states, "sexual contact" or intercourse could land him in trouble.

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"A wise man should consider that health is the greatest of human blessings, and learn how by his own thought to derive benefit from his illnesses." -Hippocrates

Posts: 755 | From: United States | Registered: Nov 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 46030

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Thank you for the reply, I appreciate it. (:

Three years isn't a big age difference at all to me, considering how close we are in maturity and how well we get along, but I can understand how it might be to my parents, which is why I'm worried about telling them.

I've been researching the age of consent and statutory rape laws here. From what I've found, the age of consent is 16, and it's statutory rape if sexual intercourse is had, which I take to mean vaginal or anal sex, though I could be wrong on that. We are very careful about we do, and even more careful about telling people, though, just in case.

Thank you, again. (:

Posts: 11 | From: Kentucky | Registered: Mar 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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