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» Got Questions? Get Answers. » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Run of the mill non-sexual friend problem

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Author Topic: Run of the mill non-sexual friend problem
kittenmittens
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Member # 40763

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1) The girl I would consider to be my best friend is co-directing an upcoming production of original adaptations of two short stories at our college. Last year, she did pretty much the same thing with another short story. What's my issue? I have given her the idea/inspiration for both productions and have never, ever, ever received any sort of mention in either the programs made for the show or even conversations with other people about it. Not even a "thanks" from her personally. I jokingly mentioned this to her, but she didn't take it seriously (obviously)--is it okay for me to feel a little annoyed about this? We all used to do theater together in high school, and while I don't participate in the program in college, I see every show she's in, am friends with a number of people in the department, etc. It's just upsetting because she otherwise wouldn't have a show without me helping her think of it--a personal thank-you would be nice, but I don't want to seem like a crazy bitch over it.

2) I'm driving the same girl to the airport this week so she can visit her boyfriend over spring break. The airport is 3 hours away from me and while staying overnight and doing something touristy the next day, I have no actual reason to drive all the way there other than to drop her off. The trip from our school to the airport, then back to our school in about 450 miles and would cost about $45 in gas. Is it reasonable to ask for that much in gas money since she offered to pay for it and I'm going extremely out of my way to take her where she needs to go?

Thanks!

Posts: 14 | From: SC | Registered: Oct 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Niki
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Member # 37106

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1) I definitely think you have a right to be annoyed- its very frustrating for someone to take credit for what you helped in!

I'm going to be honest, I'm not really sure how you could bring that up with her, but I did want you to know that I don't think you're being unreasonable.

2) Its ok to ask for gas money- gas isn't cheap these days!

Posts: 32 | From: Earth | Registered: Feb 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
orca
Scarleteen Volunteer
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1) I'm not sure I understand the situation here. When you say you "[gave] her the idea/inspiration," what exactly do you mean? How much of the idea did you give? The whole thing or just a "Hey, wouldn't it be neat if..."? I think it really depends on how much of a role you actually played, you know? Obviously, if you worked with her on the project throughout, helped edit and problem-solve, then yes, I would say you have a reason to be angry/annoyed. But if all you did was give her the inceptive idea, then honestly, I can't say you have much reason to be angry.

We get our ideas for creative works from all sorts of places, and just because someone gives us an idea or part of an idea doesn't mean we've stolen their work because we put forth the effort into shaping that idea into something more substantial and tangible. It's like someone having a conversation with JK Rowling years ago saying, "Gee, wouldn't it be funny if there was a school for wizards?" They couldn't, with any believability, say she stole their idea because she is the one who took a tiny basic concept (or even fragment of a concept) and worked out all the details and gave voice to characters and wrote 7 books from it.

I tend to feel that the creative community should be a community where ideas are exchanged freely, and when one person takes an idea from someone else and shapes it into something, there are no hard feelings because later on that person may give an idea to the other. So there's a constant give-and-take among creative folks. But, if you did have a more substantial role in her productions, then absolutely, I think it's worth talking to her about it.

2) Again, I feel like I'm not seeing the whole picture here. Does she ever/regularly pay for other things for you (food, entertainment, etc.)? Ideally, friendships should have a kind of balance (unless you go Dutch all the time). But if she's offering to pay, then I see no reason not to accept her offer.

--------------------
Listen, strange women lyin' in ponds distributin' swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.--Monty Python and the Holy Grail

Posts: 2726 | From: North America | Registered: Apr 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Ecofem
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kittenmittens, I think Niki and orca both do a good job of giving you two different ways to look at the situation. I think the bottom line here is that you feel you are feeling a lot of inequality in your friendship. While it's your choice to do these things for her, it's also important that she's mindful of your generosity. It sounds like you could benefit from some practice asserting yourself and communicating what you want and where you're coming from, as well as potentially some practice is saying "no." [Wink]

For someone who you consider your best friend, she doesn't seem to be treating you in a way you'd like and you don't seem to be into her either right now. People can grow apart and it sounds like it might be the case here. What do you think? What about YOUR getting more involved in the theatre department? What about spending more time with friends who are feeling more on the page with you these days? Do you could tell this friend what you told us? [Smile]

Posts: 3318 | Registered: Jun 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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