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» Got Questions? Get Answers. » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » I hate to be a tease

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Author Topic: I hate to be a tease
antsy
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Member # 45527

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I haven't told the guy I'm with that I plan to be a virgin til I'm married. I'm afraid he'll look at me differently or not want to see me anymore or something. I know that there are other things we can do, but I'm not 100% sure where I stand on those either, and even if I do decide that I'm ok with those other things, do I really want to do them with a guy I've only known a month and whose middle name I don't even know?


I think I searched pretty well for topics on this already, but if I missed a valid post that's already out there I'm sorry.

Posts: 6 | From: Oregon | Registered: Jan 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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I'll be honest, I hate the term "tease." Most commonly, it's used by people who have the idea they're entitled to sex by people, or used to enable those kinds of folks or attitudes. My personal suggestion is to let a term like that go from your own use: it's not going to serve you or anyone else well.

Are you promising someone a sexual relationship right now? Are you suggesting you'll do one thing, knowing you have no intention of doing that thing? If not, I don't see how you're teasing anyone.

Mind, if this is a relationship you're at all serious about and want to be yourself in, I think it's important to be yourself, which includes being honest about who you are and what you want. Or, if this person has made clear they are seeking out a sexual relationship, and you know that's not what you want or aren't sure, I think it's wise to be honest about that. I also think if you know someone wants something in a relationship that you don't, it doesn't make sense not to be clear on that, especially since it can sometimes mean a relationship is a waste of time and energy for both people.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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antsy
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I honestly don't know what I'm doing.
Posts: 6 | From: Oregon | Registered: Jan 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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That's okay, you don't have to. It sounds like you know what you DON'T want, right? You can certainly start there.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About MeGet our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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EliotDorian
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I have to agree with Heather re: the word "tease." As well, penis-in-vagina intercourse isn't the only way to be sexual, and nor for that matter are the other things that you're not yet sure about. People say all the time that your biggest sexual organ is your brain, which I think is very true.
As for the articles on this site, have you read "Does Abstinence Make the Heart Grow Fonder?" or "With Pleasure" is pretty insightful too. What did you think of them?
http://www.scarleteen.com/article/body/with_pleasure_a_view_of_whole_sexual_anatomy_for_every_body
http://www.scarleteen.com/article/sexuality/does_abstinence_make_the_heart_grow_fonder

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"What's the point of wearing your favorite rocketship underpants if no one asks to see 'em?"

Posts: 87 | From: Virginia | Registered: Mar 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
antsy
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Heather-- So I suppose I do know what I don't want for sure and then there are a few more things that I'm going back and forth on. I guess this is my sticking spot because If I don't know what I'm willing to do and not do, how do I tell him?

EliotDorian-- The first article was good, I found it interesting about how more than just genitals can be erogenous. I'm going to have to really think and decide about how that fits with my personal convictions on sexuality. My to do's and not to do's go a lot further than just no vaginal sex, so figuring out where the rest of this fits will be something.
I really liked the second article. Up to now I've been celibate and so I guess I'm deciding now whether or not to continue, and how having a bf fits with that.

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Ronlak111
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I am also agree with Heather on " tease".

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Rons

Posts: 31 | From: India | Registered: Mar 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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