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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » BIGGEST MISTAKE

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Author Topic: BIGGEST MISTAKE
Corey
Neophyte
Member # 29736

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Hey all. I have been with my current girlfriend for 19 months and we have been going through a rough time as of late. well, i had been talking to a girl behind my girlfriends back =/.. and she n i began to get an attraction..i tried to fight it but sure enough yesterday this girl came over and it was just us and we were just talking, and just like in the movies we both paused for about 30 seconds, and began making out. one thing led to another and to my dismay we had sex. (note: i was willing, i am speaking of regret afterwards) now i cannot stop feeling like a (excuse my language) douche for being a cheater =( i need to know if i should tell her and if anyone has any input or experience on either side, i would love to hear about how you handled it and how i should go about breaking it to her...i really don't want to lose her and i really feel awful =( plz help this is eating at me like crazy i have been crying my eyes out whenever im alone to cry and i just feel like a complete and udder moron. =[=[=[=[

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-COREY-

Posts: 21 | From: New York | Registered: Jul 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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You made a bad choice: it happens. But it's done now, you know?

You have the option, however, of making better choices from here on out, including a) how you handle this and b) how you do things in your relationships in the future.

Let's start with your first steps, okay? Obviously, the first thing you need to do is to be honest with your girlfriend and tell her about this. There's really no perfect way of doing that, or a way of disclosing having sex outside a monogamous relationship that's going to go down easy with a partner. For the most part, you just need to spit it out, take full responsibility for your actions, then see what your girlfriend feels and how she wants to handle this with you.

How you tell her isn't likely to have impact on if she chooses to stay with you, unless you avoid talking responsibility or aren't honest: those things are most likely to influence her strongly wanting a split. You weren't stand-up in cheating or hiding what you knew was a developing attraction/sexual relationship, but you can be in being honest.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About MeGet our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
homerunman
Neophyte
Member # 45788

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Oh,man.
You got yourself in a HEAP of trouble.
Similar curcumstance happened to me (only without sex) and I really felt terrible about it. I had no idea on what to do. So I talked to my buddy who is about 10 years older than me, and he said "Just grit your teeth and do it."Well, I did just that. I guess I said all the right words, but she forgave me and took me back. We stayed together for another few months, and then she moved.

There isn't a magic speech I can give ya, pal.
I'll give you some pointers, though.

-Emphasize about how you are REALLY REALLY SORRY.
-Kneel. worked for me.
-If you don't cry in front of her, you might want to try that. Crying expresses extreme and sincere emotion.

hope it helps!

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I went through a McDonald’s drive thru and said “I can has cheeseburger?” There was a pause before I heard “Nom Nom Nom” on the other end.

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marigold
Activist
Member # 43862

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oh my... don't try to use crying as a tool for manipulation. if you're feeling like it, cry, but don't make a spectacle out of it.
Posts: 68 | From: slovakia | Registered: Aug 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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quote:
If you don't cry in front of her, you might want to try that. Crying expresses extreme and sincere emotion.
VERY much agreed with marigold.

Yes, crying tends to express sincere emotion... unless someone is making themselves cry to try and emotionally manipulate someone. If crying just happens, then yes, it is sincere. But to suggest someone TRY to cry in order to get a partner to do something they want isn't about sincerity, it's suggesting they manipulate that person.

Which is very much not okay and does not have a place in a healthy relationship.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About MeGet our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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