posted
Sorry if my statements seem to make no sense. It's 12:34 AM, I'm tired, but I can't sleep. So I'm having a bit of trouble thinking. Well, to keep it as simple as I possibly can, I've not been feeling terribly well lately. I've had a rather weak stomach, paranoia that's a bit more intense than I'm used to experiencing, I've been less focused on my studies (though that might be normal for me), and I've been awfully nervous for what seems like no reason. Now, here's something that just happened 2 weeks ago that I believe could be a trigger: I was saying to my girlfriend that I had been considering breaking up with her. It wasn't because I was "tired of her," or because I didn't "love her enough," or anything like it. It was honestly going to be for her personal safety. My reasoning behind that is that I have a terribly tainted gene pool which causes me to lash out at people who cause me distress or uneasiness... Just all-around anger issues. My mom has always told me that it came from my [disowned] father. Honestly, I believe it after hearing some of the stuff she's told me. My girlfriend and I have been together for roughly 10 months now, and recently I've been feeling extremely worried of losing her(ignore the irony if you noticed it). So, going back to the "I'm thinking of breaking this off for your own good," thing. When I told her, I'm assuming she got really mad, because she sent me a 3 page long text message (yes, a text message. We're hardcore) explaining to me what my mistake in breaking up with her would be. Now, being the literary genius that I am -- ignoring all of the careless grammar mistakes I'm making in this since I'm tired, and honestly feeling cocky -- the tone of the series of messages seemed kinda pissed-off (sorry if that word is frowned upon on this forum). So I was sitting there thinking Oh crap, what have I done? So I sat there with a face resembling :l for about twenty minutes while I thought about how I could handle the situation. I eventually texted her back apologizing and saying that it was rather foolish of me to think such a thing (paraphrasing is my best friend). Her response was also apologetic. However, strangely enough, after her little [@^%$*]-fit text message (it was terribly rude what all she said), she was saying that she didn't want to break up with me.
<takes a breath>
So that was that. We didn't break up. However, every day since that happened, I've been feeling this strange random sickness. I do kind of think that it's partially that I almost lost one of the more pleasant people in my life. I also think that it's partially because my best friend told me he saw my girlfriend topless in our church's bathroom. How he managed that, I don't know. So in a way, I kind of want to congratulate him on that feat. But I think what happened was that the church has 2 doors separating the lobby from the actual bathroom. My girlfriend -- her name is Sara, by the way. I realize I hadn't mentioned that, and I also realize that that is of no relevance to anyone here -- was apparently changing her shirt/bra (I guess she would? Sports bra? I don't pay attention to these things) in the bathroom since she had just come from basketball practice, and he caught a glimpse in the mirror. Now, whether the aforementioned is true or not, I also want to punch him in the face for being a pervert and saying a thing like that about Sara (however directly or indirectly she may be involved). But I noticed the sickness was a little more noticeable when I got home and started thinking about that.
Or maybe it's the alignment of the planets and I need a Zen garden.
Anyway, help on this issue would be appreciated.
... I just spent 20 minutes typing something to complete strangers on the internet. I feel like a weenie now... Lol...
Posts: 6 | From: Sparta... But seriously, USA. | Registered: Jan 2010
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posted
Don't feel bad, we all have issues at some point or another. I've been on and off for about two years now here.
Could it be something physically, IE, the flu?
-------------------- "Fear is the mind-killer" -Don't be afraid. Posts: 117 | From: I'd prefer to keep it private | Registered: Mar 2007
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Ok, that makes me sound like I have the plague. Let me start over.
I have asthma. While people with asthma are typically more prone to sicknesses such as influenza, I don't think that's it. As a general rule, I don't get sick at all until around April. I'm sick around once a year, then I'm healthy until it comes around again save for allergies to pollen and things of that sort.
So no, I don't think it's physical.
Posts: 6 | From: Sparta... But seriously, USA. | Registered: Jan 2010
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posted
Zacceh, have you ever sought out counseling for your anger management problems? If not, I seriously recommend that you start there. Anger (and anxiety--the two are often coupled) problems can absolutely make conditions like asthma worse, so getting counseling is in the interest of your physical health, too.
By all means, if you are afraid of lashing out at your girlfriend and do not believe she is safe with you, than the only responsible thing to do is to at least put the relationship on hold while you get into counseling. You did a really responsible thing by telling her that, and I'm sorry she reacted so poorly. In the future, these are really the types of conversations that go much better when in person, or at the very least over the phone.
How does your girlfriend feel about potentially being seen topless? I hear that you are angry about that, but do you see that it's really a violation of *her* privacy, not yours? Sure, feeling uncomfortable about it is one thing, but it's not your place to confront him about it. If she wants to tell him it wasn't okay, that's fine, but that's got to be *her* choice, not yours.
Posts: 2262 | From: in transition | Registered: Apr 2008
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