I recently wrote a letter to my girlfriend, but I'm not sure if I have a viable reason to give it to her. I'm just so worried I'm one of those partners whose always going "call me call me!" at all hours of the day.
"It took me a few months to finally work up the courage to write this letter, and even more courage to actually give it to you, but with school starting soon, I want to get all this out in the open before Iím bogged down with homework. I know no one likes that nagging partner, the one whose always demanding you call them or talk to them, and I know how busy you are now that youíve started school again. I donít want to drag you away from homework or your friends, and Iím so, so happy you finally got to go to school again. I hope it works out well for you, my fingers are always crossed! But Iím not sure what to tell people anymore when they ask us how weíre doing relationship wise. All I can say is ďI donít knowĒ because I really donít. I canít remember the last time we had an actual conversation. Maybe the occasional shared ďLOLĒ on twitter, but thatís it. And I really donít want to be a demanding girlfriend, but I miss you. I know the distance is hard, and your internet sucks, which just makes me feel worse for writing this, but I donít know what to do anymore. People are flirting with me, and I donít know if Iím being truthful when I tell them Iím in a relationship. The breaks are just getting longer and longer between the times we talk, the last one being nearly a full month, and I donít know . . . I love you, and I want to stay with you forever, so please donít think this is a breaking up letter. You donít even have to respond to this. I just wanted to get my feelings out there so it doesnít stay bottled up inside me and turn bitter. Love always, Shea."
Thank you for reading my looong post. Do you think it'd be fair for me to give this to her? Or should I just try and reach out to her more myself? I never got a christmas present from her, or a birthday present, is mainly what got me to write this. Do you think that just made me bitter? ):
Posts: 32 | From: California | Registered: Aug 2008
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I actually don't think you have to apologize for yourself so much.
From what I understand, you don't get much communication from your girlfriend anymore. People in relationships do tend to want ongoing communication: this isn't an unreasonable thing to want or to ask for. After all, without communication, we really can't interrelate.
So, my suggestion, if you're up for it, would be a revision, one where you make clear you understand she's got a lot going on, but you need more communication than you have been having, and not having it has you feeling distant from her and uncertain about the status of your relationship. I also do not think the "you don't have to respond to this" should be in there. If you two are together, and you need to talk about something, then your partner -- if they are your partner -- also needs to respond.
-------------------- Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen About Me ē Get our book! Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000
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I think you definitely have legitimate reason to start a discussion about how much communication you need. Communication is ALWAYS important, and it's essential for everybody involved to know what their partner or partners want from the relationship. This can be difficult in LDRs, which just makes it that much more important to pay attention to it (a lesson my now-girlfriend and I learned from experience; when I mentioned being interested in someone else she took it to mean I wasn't still completely head over heels for her, and was nervous about how her visit would turn out despite the fact that her plane ticket here was the only birthday present I'd asked for from my parents. Fortunately, we're better at talking to each other now.)
In my (albeit limited) experience with LDRs, the person I'm in love with has always been happy to get a phone call or email from me even when s/he is working twelve hour days and being an activist at the same time, so I don't hesitate to call when I think of it. On the other hand, I know she's aware of the possibility of me feeling neglected because she's apologized for being so busy and slacking off on staying in touch, which doesn't really sound like the case here.
I agree with Heather that you needn't sound so apologetic, and that it's a good idea to revise with that in mind.
Plenty of my friends have made relationships work over distance, but for most of them it has taken some trial and error over communication, in terms of frequency and realizing what is important to make clear, and also in terms of learning each other's communication styles.
Best wishes, and I hope everything turns out well for you.
The highest result of education is tolerance. -Helen Keller Posts: 50 | From: Halfway down the California coast | Registered: Jul 2009
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