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Author Topic: My ex
bookwormfairy
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I broke up with my ex a few months before school ended last year.I broke up with him for many reasons. a)When we were watching a movie in class, he would slip his hand in my pants or top. b)In public places he would do the same thing ex:in the restaurant even when I am wearing a dress that drags on the floor c)He kept trying to make me have sex with him.

When I broke up with him, he started following me around school and touching my ***. He also kept calling and texting me to beg me to be with him again. I dealt with the calls and texts through the summer.

On the first day of school, I wore a dress and at lunch he found where I was sitting and sat next to me. Well, he did the same thing, trying to get under my dress. He also took my book and phone and sat on them, he wouldn't give them to me unless I try and grab the items while he sat on them. I did try to get them back and he took hold of my hand and placed it on his dick. My friend saw what was going on and pulled my ex out of his seat so I could get my things.

That was the last straw for me and I told him straight out that if he continued to harass me sexually and/or with phone calls/texts. I would report him. I think that scared him because he had a harassment charge against him in middle school, and he didn't do a single major thing to me after that.

Until today, at lunch he found where I was sitting and sat next to me. I was wearing a sweater dress and leggings. Under the table, he was trying to play footsies, I was pulling my leg away from his the whole time. He also was trying to get his hand under my dress and stroking my leg. I kept moving away until I was on the edge of my seat.

At homecoming, he called me a whore and today he did the same thing a few times right in front of my friends. He also made sexual joke that I knew was directed towards me.

Heres my question, should I report him?

[ 01-19-2010, 09:24 PM: Message edited by: bookwormfairy ]

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~Lillian

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Ecofem
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Hey there, Liliamber! [Smile]

Yes, I think reporting him is the right thing to do. What he's doing is totally inappropriate harassment and the school should stop it. Do you know a specific teacher, counselor or administrator you can report to or do you want to brainstorm some ideas? When he's around and says such things, do your friends stick up for you and try to keep you away from him, like tell him to go away?

(I'll be heading in for the night but another volunteer should be around to follow up if you have any questions.)

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Heather
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Yes.

Absolutely, positively, yes.

His doing all of this was never okay. You broke up with him. It continued. You say he then stalked you for months by phone and text.

You came back to school and he harassed you verbally and sexually again. You told him you would report him if he did it again (as well you should).

He did it again. So, now you should report him.

Clearly, he's not going to stop, and you've done all you could do on your own to try and make it stop. Now it's time to bring in the reinforcements.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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patteLePugh
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That is horrible, I would have done it from the start, you need to report him, so do it when you get the chance.

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Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in his shoes. That
way if he gets angry, he'll be a mile away - and barefoot.

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bookwormfairy
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I reported him today, I would have done it the day after he did this but the counseler was booked until today and I didn't want to talk to an administrator.

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~Lillian

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Heather
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Good for you. SO good for you. Are you feeling good about it?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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bookwormfairy
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I'm feeling ok, this week has gone pretty bad for me. A few times this week, I have thought of cutting myself but didn't(so proud of myself) [Smile]

My mom searched my room and found condoms. She now knows that I am sexually active and we somewhat got into an argument about that and other things.

I am now single, I broke up with my boyfriend via e-mail the same day I had the fight with my mom. I had to do this because I have lost my moms trust therefore I am not allowed to be alone anymore for the most part.

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~Lillian

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Ecofem
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Hi Liliamber, I'm very glad to hear you were able to report this to your counselor. [Smile] I'm sorry your week has gone pretty badily BUT it's awesome that you found other ways to cope than cutting! I'm also sorry that the conversation between you and your mom was hard but perhaps it will open up chances to talk in the future that feel more positive. I think you made a very good decision to break up with your boyfriend, although I can imagine it's hard. I see a lot of good stuff for you on the horizon. On one hand, having alone time can be nice; on the other, if it means getting to do more stuff after school or having more positive relationships in your life, that can be a good thing.

So, this week was bad but what are you looking forward to next week?

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bookwormfairy
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Nothing, just stress. Midterms start next week so I have to study for them.

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~Lillian

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Ecofem
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Good luck with your midterms (always good to study...) I wanted to give you a head's up on something here that may interest you. [Smile]
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bookwormfairy
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Ok, I sortof had a panic attack at school today because of my ex.

He was storking my leg and "accidentally" touched my breasts among other things during lunch. I probably shouldn't be sitting at the same table as him but he is friends with my other friends. I do try to sit in between two of my friends across from him but not directly across since if I did sit directly across from him, sometimes he will try to play footsies with me, ugh.

I thought he was over doing this to me. He knows I would report him if he ever did something again. In my other post about me telling my friend that he almost raped me and how I reported him for harassment, I'm pretty sure she told him that I was the one that reported him last yr. and that's how he knows.

I don't know, what should I do?

[ 10-06-2010, 08:07 PM: Message edited by: bookwormfairy ]

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~Lillian

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Heather
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I know it's tough when you share friends, but I really think it's important you keep your distance from this guy, and don't do things like sit at his same table.

Are any of those friends supportive of you, per knowing how he abused you and understanding that was NOT okay?

If he is harassing you again, it certainly is something to report, but if and when you do, you're likely going to be asked about why you're putting yourself so near to him, like in this situation. That certainly doesn't make him touching you without your permission okay or your fault, but any person or agency looking to protect you is also going to be looking for you to protect yourself, which includes things like, when you can avoid it, like at lunch, not putting yourself in a position of danger/contact.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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lucidkitty
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Lost her trust by being safe with sex? This country to way to prudish with sex and parents with their kids and sex sheesh.
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bookwormfairy
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The other friends at the table don't know what happened.But they do know that I had an abusive ex boyfriend, they just don't have a name. One of them(a different friend) knows that I reportted him for harassment but she is a little out of it all the time so she probably forgot all about it.

I don't see the point in reporting, if I do they aren't going to do much and he is still going to do it.

At lunch, basically my friend, another friend and I are the only ones at the table, also some other people. But then my ex comes to sit with us. There isn't much I can do and I don't want to say to my friends that I want to change tables.

On a good note, with other guys I'm being more forceful. Before if one of the guys steal my things,I would just ask them to give it back. But now if they don't give it back to me I start to get more agressive, (in a good way).

[ 10-07-2010, 06:37 PM: Message edited by: bookwormfairy ]

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~Lillian

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Heather
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Well, again, some of this ball IS in your court. While no one has any right to touch you when and where you don't want to be touched, sitting with someone you KNOW has a pattern of ignoring your boundaries is making a choice to put yourself at a known risk. What anyone else can do about this is always going to be limited per what you do yourself, so I think it's important you also find your own way to put more space between you when you can, and who you sit with at lunch is in your power. You CAN do that.

Maybe it's time to tell your other friends, or at least one or two more so they'll understand and sit with you without this guy? I know it can be scary, and maybe you don't feel ready, but at the same time, without taking steps like that, this is only going to get so much better.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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