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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Does he like me? Is it okay to like him?

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Author Topic: Does he like me? Is it okay to like him?
Member # 43373

Icon 1 posted      Profile for sweetheart12     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
So, i wrote on the message boards back in the summer about being upset and confused because my boyfriend told me he was bisexual. I haven't been back on her much since then, i guess you could say i've been doing a lot of healing and making a lot of life changes. He and I aren't together now. We broke up fairly shortly after the posts on this website stopped. I guess you could say we weren't right for each other, at least not right now. It was devastating, he told me he loved me when we broke up and cried for a long time. Getting over that pain and attempting to heal has been incredibly tough.

Now, i'm going through a new dilemna. There's a guy at the university i go to that i have the total hots for. And, its the first guy i've actually crushed on, or found legitimate feelings for since my ex and i broke up. Is it okay to start feeling something for someone new? it's only been 3 and a half months.. or is this still a rebound?

Also, this guy, i've not actually talked to him. He's my peer assisted student study program faciliator for a stats class i'm taking, but last semester i only went to one of the sessions before the exam, sat in the back, and didn't talk. We also had a class together last semester, but i was always sitting with my ex and a bunch of friends, we caught eyes a few times though.

Then, at christmas exams, i wasn't expecting to see him in the gym that i was writing my exam in, but apparently he had one at the same time too, i walked by him as he was putting his things down and we caught a gaze, that i feel like it felt longer than a normal one should be. He stood up from his bag and actually said hey, how are you? to me out of nowhere. I answered back good, thanks, good luck!

3 weeks went by, and now school's starting up again. It's been a week of classes so far, and i have a class twice a week now that he happens to be in. The first day of class i was sitting with friends at the back of the room and he came in and found a place but looked at me, smiled, waves, and mouthed the word hey. I waved back. Then, 2 days later, in the gym at the university, while i'm running on the treadmill with my goods moving up and down, he walked by me and waved and said hey, i smiled and waved hi, as he walked behind me to the corner of the gym to stretch on an exercise ball. That day in class i sat in a place closer to where he sat, hoping he'd sit close, but he got there late. He still managed to find a place across the aisle and a few rows up, and he still came in, waved, and said hi. I responded again with a simple hi. Throughout class, i caught him kind of glancing sideways, as if to be looking at me through his peripherals... but i can't be sure.. there wasn't anything exciting he could have otherwise been looking at.

While this is going on, my ex is sitting several rows behind me. My girlfriend told me he looked mad, jealous, whatever.

I guess, i'm trying to get some advice as to whether it seems like the guy likes me? Should i attempt to persue something? If so, what do i say? And is there something is hould do about my ex in the same class? I've been with my ex for so long, and we were such good friends, but i had feelings for him for 3 years, i didn't even care about other guys. I'm so out of it and not sure what to do about the dating thing anymore. A little help would be appreciated. is it wrong to like this new guy?


Posts: 35 | From: Canada | Registered: Jul 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 43338

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Hello [Smile] I'm not a relationship expert or anything, but based on what you've said it sounds like there's a very strong chance he likes you. When a guy makes an effort to smile, wave and say hi, it's generally a sign that he's attracted to you. This is probably even more true since you don't know each other well - the fact that he's going a bit out of his way to acknowledge you might even mean that he wants to get to know you better.

I can completely understand the dilemma over whether or not you should pursue him at this point. It really sounds like you care deeply about your ex even though you're not in a relationship with him anymore. I think that's a really good thing. It also sounds like you've taken some time to reflect since you've been single again. I guess only you would know for sure, but if you feel like your heart and mind are pretty much clear from the previous relationship, it would be OK to become involved with the new guy. The amount of time/space people need between relationships or even dating would definitely differ from person to person.

Maybe you could try taking with him a bit more, like between classes or afterwards. They say relationships are the strongest when people are good friends too - how about starting out just getting to know him better? I don't know exactly what you could say, except for starting out with a safe/easy topic like the course material, and then eventually moving toward more meaningful stuff like your and his opinions, friends, family, etc. Maybe that would give you a better sense of how comfortable you feel when you're around him. And if you're both seeking the same thing, dating (and potentially a relationship) likely would come naturally.

Since your ex is in the same class, I understand how that would be awkward to say the least. I don't know that there's anything in particular you could do to make it less so. However, it's possible that he won't notice as much as you think, since in class you'll be limited to talking and flirting.

It's definitely not "wrong" to like this new guy. Even when people are in committed relationships, they can still be attracted to other people. Since you're thinking about starting something new and it sounds like you've really considered how you're feeling, it may be best to go with your instincts. If you feel ready, it's completely reasonable to start dating again.

Posts: 44 | From: California | Registered: Jul 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 33665

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Hi sweetheart. I see that you like this guy and are looking for signs to see if he likes you too, but those signs aren't really going to tell you whether or not he does like you. I think EC has given some great advice here, but I disagree with what EC said about waving and smiling generally being a sign of attraction. Some people do smile and say hi to everyone or they'll smile at someone if that person looks sad or if they've had classes with them before, etc. It doesn't necessarily convey romantic interest but may just mean that they notice you as a person. For example, I tend to smile and say hi to pretty much everyone I see when I'm walking around somewhere or going to class because I want to show that I acknowledge them as individuals (and because you never know when someone's had a bad day and that smile or sign of recognition may make them feel a bit better).

The only way to know whether or not he likes you is to ask him, otherwise you just drive yourself up the wall trying to get some hidden meaning from a simple hello when that meaning may or may not exist. That's not to say he doesn't like you, just to say that it's good to be a bit grounded in these things and not make leaps. I will say that I totally understand wanting to see something more in those gestures when you have a crush on someone as I've done that in the past, but it just really doesn't lead you to anything other than mooning over a gesture that person may extend to everyone around them.

I understand how tough it can be to act on a crush, especially after having so recently ended a long-term relationship. Since you haven't spoken to him before, I think it would be good to start by talking to him to first see if this crush really extends beyond the image you have of him and see if there is any attraction there. Maybe you can see if he wants to hang out with you and some friends in a nonromantic context and just get to know him from there. Sometimes we form attractions on people before we get to know them, and then when we do get to know them we find that we really aren't so attracted to them at all. Talking to him and getting to know him a bit better first can give you an idea about whether or not you even want to follow through with a romantic relationship or dating scenario with him.

Listen, strange women lyin' in ponds distributin' swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.--Monty Python and the Holy Grail

Posts: 2726 | From: North America | Registered: Apr 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 43373

Icon 1 posted      Profile for sweetheart12     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Thanks for the words of wisdom guys!

I've had a few people tell me i should go talk to him. This week in both of the classes, he's waved, smiled, and mouthed hi... despite the fact that today, the class had already started and i as walking back to my seat.

It's clear that in the 5 days between classes he's not forgetting who i am.

I'm not sure how to explain it... i guess i just feel a connection to/with him when we catch eyes. BUt... i've also got a really tough time trying to accept that it could be possible he likes me. And since it's been so long since i've been on the dating scene, and the first time in a long time that i'm finding myself interested in someone other than my ex, i feel icredibly flustered and totally not sure what to do.

I wish figuring out his feeligns was easier than asking. I'm a fairly shy person around new people to begin with.. so going up to talk to him is kinda tough. My question now i guess is howcome he's not coming to talk to me? Howcome he's noticing. The only thing that might make me think he likes me, is that my friend, Sarah, is in all of the same classes with me.. he's her PASS facil too, i sat beside her in the class last semester and hang out with her this semester... howcome he never acknowledges her or says hi to her? he's seen her just as much or more than me.

I wish i could say it was so easy to just walk up to him and say hi :s. i don't think it is. :s


Posts: 35 | From: Canada | Registered: Jul 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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