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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » invaiding privacy.

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Author Topic: invaiding privacy.
Magic's in the Makeup
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Member # 44777

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I feel sick. My head starts to spin when I remember how many times I've snuck a peak.


I've looked at my ex-boyfriend's e-mails.

There are things in there that make me feel sick. For crossing this border of trust, even though we are not together anymore.

I feel like it's becoming a problem, a huge problem, and I want to reach out.

There are things that I would have never wanted to read, but it's like an addiction. Six months later I still need my dose of him. It's almost as if I feel like my life is at a stand still, and I haven't moved the waters enough to create fluid change...yet he is up and new again. Almost like I'm living vicariously through him...although mostly just feeling sorry for myself! I DON'T LIKE IT.

He is dating his ex-girlfriend from years ago. Through a mutual friend I was told that they somehow bumped into each other after all these years. Three months later they are miraculously in love, everything is perfect.

I'm looking for some help. I have obviously not moved on and I really need to. I feel sad, rejected. Although I have had boyfriends before, he was my first love (as I know it).

He tells her that he has never loved anyone until her. I'm so confused about relationships and people and dishonesty and reality.

As a university student, I should have plenty of opportunities to meet people, but I don't know where to start. And I'm scared.

I'm scared.

Posts: 52 | From: Canada | Registered: Nov 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Love-Life
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Hi Magic! Welcome to Scarleteen!

My first word of advice would be to send your ex a quick e-mail telling him to change his password. I think that you getting into his account is making this time harder for you. So, as hard as it may be, just type the e-mail, close your eyes and hit the send button as fast as you can, then it's done. Generally, the best way to get over someone is to just take a break from being involved, in any way, with that person.

After that is done, you should probably find something to keep yourself busy so you don't obsess over the fact that you don't know how his relationship is going. Because, it sounds to me like you should be focusing on your relationships rather than his. [Smile] You could do something like make a casual plan with a friend from one of your classes, or if you aren't ready for that, just find a book, or website (I use Scarleteen as a de-stresser during exams) and just read or do whatever you like to do when you would otherwise be reading his e-mails.

I know where you're coming from when you say that you don't know where to start meeting people on campus. It seems like it should be super easy, but it's not. I went through my whole fall semester last year without having a single friend to hang out with after school. But, if you make those connections in class, it's amazing how they can grow almost effortlessly into amazing friendships. So, as to where to start, start with that girl or guy who you have been smiling politely at for the past few months and just start with a "hey, how's studying going?" and it will happen for you. There are also usually tons of events on campus (a lot revolving around the bar at my university) where people go and you can go there to meet people.

Now, if I may ask, why do you feel so scared? Do you want to talk about that? And your feelings of rejection and sadness? I think if you are feeling like you aren't going to be able to work through all these feelings on your own you should see what resources your campus offers for counseling services.

Check out this awesome article, To Be... AWESOME or Just Be Tips on Making the Most of Your Life Right Now!

--------------------
There is an upside to everything, sometimes you just have to turn it upside down to find it.

:-) Vikki (-:

Posts: 153 | From: British Columbia | Registered: Apr 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Magic's in the Makeup
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What has been hard is to rid myself of the other person completely. Although he has moved away, I feel like he is in my room (although I've redone it), downstairs, in my parking lot, at school... I feel like there is still pieces of him everywhere. Or if I see his friends, or mutual friends, they sometimes get this look on their face...it's bizarre. It's like they know something I don't. Which, in most cases, they most probably do. And that feels weird. Secrecy is very discomforting.

I don't know really what I'm scared of. I've been in this limbo for a little over a year, or maybe even almost two years. I just feel really weird, and almost not myself. Maybe I'm scared of being myself again. Of success, of failure. I feel like I haven't been living up to my full potential. Does anyone ever feel like this? Like they should be doing all these things, yet they are waiting around for the "ok, go?"

I talked to a bunch of people today. They were really nice and encouraging of my art.

Posts: 52 | From: Canada | Registered: Nov 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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In my experience, there rarely is an "Okay, go." You just have to do that for yourself and make it happen. [Smile]

Have you been able yet to do what Vikki suggested in terms of the email?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Magic's in the Makeup
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I haven't looked since.


I'm having a lot of other troubles.

I'm worried about my mom sometimes because she works really hard all the time, and often doesn't get the proper nutrition she needs. She also worries a lot, sometimes about the stupidest things. Like spies, government rumors, health care controversy, and she obsesses over this stuff...I feel like the opportunities that we do see each other it's filled up with a lot of negative stuff!!! I just want her to be happy. And I have talked to her about it.


I've been feeling sad for a long time. A year, maybe two now... I didn't feel right with the high school crowd. I'm not a big partier, but I like being social. Doing my school work makes me feel lonely because I try to be alone doing it so that I can focus. But I procrastinate. Even though I promise myself that I wont I somehow avoid doing it for as long as possible. I think I might have some anxiety problems but I don't know because there aren't any resources anywhere that are truly accessible that talk about depression and anxiety. I don't really know what else to say right now because I'm basically procrastinating at the moment and I should get back to homework. So I'm going to, and maybe post back later.

I don't want to go to counseling because that costs a lot of money. Plus I don't know what happens, and I don't know what to talk about. Especially if they only have 15-30 mins to talk to you...how are you supposed to know what to say!!!

[ 11-29-2009, 01:35 AM: Message edited by: Magic's in the Makeup ]

Posts: 52 | From: Canada | Registered: Nov 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
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15-30 minutes for a paid counseling session would be mighty short. As well, when you go to counseling, it's not like doing a monologue: counselors facilitate discussion by asking questions as you talk.

You can sometimes get counseling at a low cost or no cost, too.

It sounds like you could use that or, at the very least a talk with your general physician about anxiety and depression. That's often a good person to start with who can point you in the right direction.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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