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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » My First 'Real' Relationship

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Author Topic: My First 'Real' Relationship
Matteh
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Member # 44750

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Hey Scarleteen, first off I would like to thank all of the founders and members of the site for contributing to this amazing source of information, you really helped me a lot and I appreciate it very much.

So Today, I'm going to make my first post on something that has worried me over the past year now, I have been in a few relationships with girls in my younger years (I'm 15) but nothing serious and I think I want to start a serious relationship with a girl I like and have things in common with.. but you see that is not easy to come by. So I was wondering if you guys and girls could give me some tips on finding the girl for me.

[ 11-20-2009, 12:44 PM: Message edited by: TeenGamer ]

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Being Single only appears good to married guys :3

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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You're so welcome!

Ultimately, I think we can only figure who we want a serious relationship with based on who a given person is.

In other words, it's a bit like saying "I want to have sex." We probably don't want to have sex with just anyone, after all, but only with certain people. You probably don't want a serious relationship with anyone, but with a particular person you have those kinds of feelings for.

The way to find out who you might and might not want that with is generally to spend time with whomever it is that you feel romantically about and see how a friendship, hanging out, something that isn't serious yet, goes. All of that can help you (and that person) figure out if you're a good possible match for pursuing something more serious.

So, is there anyone in particular you have those kinds of feelings with right now?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Matteh
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Member # 44750

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It's really hard to tell Heather I mean the place I live isn't very exciting or active at all I only see most of the girls from this town is around school but thanks for the reply I think I need to find out who I like before going any further.

I have hung around with some girls and considered them friends but I don't think I have a connection with them, but I think to solve this dilemma I will need to just dive into the subject and find out for myself, which will no doubt take a combination of courage, communication and a lot of time but I think I will get there.

[ 11-20-2009, 01:05 PM: Message edited by: TeenGamer ]

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Being Single only appears good to married guys :3

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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Well, most young people tend to date who they know from school, as that's often the central social circle most have.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Matteh
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Indeed this is true I think it is because with change like moving from say a lower school to high school is not easy and having a group of friends to have around you is always comforting in this change but still I think If I don't meet new people I'm limiting my search and should probably try to do just that but I know there is a way I could do this which is a few years away but still It could help, you see I am hopefully going to University in my capital city and this should hopefully give me connections with more people and a chance to make new friends.

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Being Single only appears good to married guys :3

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Matteh
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Out of Anger Post

[ 11-21-2009, 06:37 PM: Message edited by: TeenGamer ]

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Being Single only appears good to married guys :3

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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I'd encourage you to try not to be judgmental of other people.

For sure, some people might engage in those behaviours as ways to be or be seen as popular. Others may out of low self-esteem. Others may have addictions. Others may not have learned other ways to socialize. And some may out of self-expression: for instance, some people like how a fake tan looks, some people have sex when they are young because they want to have sex for the same reasons older people do. (And this stuff isn't just in the UK, it's pretty darn global.)

Point is, why go there? So, you don't like those things or some of the people you have met who have done those things. That doesn't speak at all to who you DO like.

You are saying there is a girl you like. So, you give things some time, you say hello, you maybe hang out as friends if she wants to and you see.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Matteh
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I wasn't trying to judge people more than kind of give an idea of a kind of social 'ladder' which in Schools can make a big impact on people's self-esteem if anything especially if a girl you like is high up on this ladder while you are not. But yeah I do apologize I haven't been the most calm person lately I tend to complain about things a lot.

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Being Single only appears good to married guys :3

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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I know that social hierarchies can be rough: I'd love to say they stop in adulthood, but they don't. We usually just get better at figuring out how to deal with them.

But social hierarchies can also be misleading sometimes. Sometimes the folks "at the top" of a given one aren't the way others perceive them and recognize just like people who aren't positioned that way do how full of you-know-what those hierarchies often are.

And if you like someone strongly who is up there, you must know them and directly interact with them at least somewhat, no? I mean, really like them: not just like how they look.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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