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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » help us

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Author Topic: help us
kingman
Neophyte
Member # 44385

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HI
I'm 18 years old and I'm with my girlfriend for almost 2 years ans we had never hed sex yet. when we are together we masturbate one to the other and some times I make oral sex to her.
She is afraid that the condom breaches and get preagnant. she is afraid to that it hurts because it will be the first time.

should I wait for her or should I say something?

PS: i'm sorry about my english, i'm portuguese

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kingman in da house

Posts: 2 | From: Portugal | Registered: Oct 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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No worries about the language barriers: we appreciate our non-English speaking users being patient with the fact that we only offer services in English.

It sounds like you have two issues: your girlfriend is worried about pain with intercourse and she isn't comfortable using condoms by themselves for birth control.

For the first, I'm going to give you a few links both of you can read and talk about:
Let's Get Metaphysical: The Etiquette of Entry
From OW! to WOW! Demystifying Painful Intercourse
Yield for Pleasure

When you do talk together about them, I'd be sure she knows if she still feels scared, it's completely fine for you both to wait for intercourse until she feels better about it.

In terms of the birth control, has she looked into other methods she can use with condoms or instead of condoms? Has she talked to her doctor about those?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
kingman
Neophyte
Member # 44385

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she is no 18 yet to go to a pharmacy and buy pills to use with the condom. she must get her parents authorization and she knows that they dont give it...
she talks about using two condoms at the same time but I dont feel good about it. I know that it is not going to be the same for me or for her and that might be a bad first impression about what is sex.

One more question: is that normal that I prefer to do oral sex to her than any other thing? when we are together I make oral sex to her I love it. when we are foing that I don't want, or even think about intercourse. I just want that.

I have just remembered an other question :
I really want that she preform oral sex on me. what can I do to convince her? she tells me that she want to do it but on the other hand when she thinks about it she remembers porn movies and the girls doing it. I've told her that she is not a porn star, she must not do it like porn stars do. I've told her to do the way she want.
what can I do more?

ps. sorry about the long message [Razz]

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kingman in da house

Posts: 2 | From: Portugal | Registered: Oct 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
StrangePudding
Activist
Member # 40765

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Do not use two condoms at the same time. It makes it way, way more likely that they will break due to increased friction. Condoms are designed to be used one at a time, and if you want maximum protection from pregnancy you should follow the directions. You should also use a lot of lube, both to make this more pleasant for your partner and to, again, prevent condoms from breaking.

Here's a link to an article on proper condom use:
http://www.scarleteen.com/article/boyfriend/condom_basics_a_users_manual

Posts: 222 | From: USA | Registered: Oct 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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I am not that familiar with laws around contraception in Portugal, but are you sure she needs parental permission? In most countries, that is not needed, and what I can find about contraceptive policies in Portugal suggests minors can access contraception without parental permission. However, to get a hormonal method, women cannot just go into a pharmacy: those methods need to be prescribed by a doctor first.

Here's a website that should give you both that information: http://www.apf.pt/

There's nothing wrong or unusual about liking giving oral sex more than anything else, or liking any one sexual activity over another.

If, however, she has expressed she is not yet comfortable providing oral sex from you, you need to respect that, rather than to try and convince her to do something she does not yet want to. What I'd suggest is just giving her time when it comes to any of the kinds of sex she does not yet feel ready or prepared for, or comfortable with.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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