I've been with my boyfriend for almost four years. We dated through most of high school, so we've kind of 'grown-up' together emotionally, physically and sexually.
A while back we were talking, and he made some silly remark about me needing to get some meat on my bones. I was kind of surprised by this statement, because I am a very average weight for my height and build. He'd never said anything like this to me before.
Suddenly something clicked, and I asked "do you like bigger women?" to which he replied yes.
This was really hard for me to get used to. I suddenly felt unattractive and confused, despite his constant reassurance. Everything I'd known about our sexual relationship was suddenly a little different.
Itís been a while since this first conversation, and we've had many, many conversations about it. I now understand that what he has is a fetish about women gaining weight. I am totally ok with this, and I understand that it is just something he canít control. He constantly reminds me that I am the sexiest, most beautiful person heís ever laid eyes on.
BUT... he still wishes I were bigger. Heís not demanding that I gain weight, but he does want me to try. I really just like the way I am right now. I would be ok gaining a little bit of weight, but I donít want to make myself unhealthy. Iím just stuck and I donít know what to do. We are in love, and even considering marriage...I want to make him happy in every way possible, but I'm not sure how to satisfy this one need.
Posts: 1 | From: Carson City, NV | Registered: Oct 2009
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It sounds like you guys have a very good relationship and you communicate well, which is great! You say you've talked about this issue with him, but I can't tell if you have actually told him straight-out that you don't want to gain weight right now. If you haven't done that, I'd say that is the next step. Tell him exactly what you told us--you like the way you are, and you aren't comfortable intentionally changing your weight at the moment. I think you have made it clear to him that you don't have a problem with this, so make sure he's doubly sure of that. From the tone of your post, I really think he will listen and be OK with it if you just tell him flat-out how you feel.
Once you've expressed this (or if you already have), you might want to talk to him about ways you can incorporate his interest in larger women into your sex life. It could be fun to come up with ways to excite that fantasy of his without actually changing your weight and threatening your health. In fact, if you ask him about this straight out, he may offer some ideas or fantasies he's already thought of which don't require you to change your size. In any case, it is certainly positive for your relationship that this has come to light--again, the communication between you two sounds great.
Good luck with this!
Posts: 96 | From: West Coast USA | Registered: May 2008
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