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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » My ex wants me back

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Author Topic: My ex wants me back
renyoj
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Member # 43787

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We had a really really long talk this morning, and for different reasons he wants me back. I'd rather go there than the other place, and he doesn't want me to go there either. And my mom knows, she won't let me get rid of the baby. Which means I'll be stuck there with a baby until I'm fixed snd then I'll just end up worse with a baby. So it's either that, go back to Tim since he wants me back and he's sorry about a lot of stuff and for whatever reason thinks I'm getting taken advantage of, or go somewhere I don't even know and get away. I don't know what the right choice is, I want to be better than I am but if I went there I'd be put straight into prenatal care and have no option besides keeping it. And even though Tim wants that, I don't. So I don't have a clue, sorry for wasting time I guess.
Posts: 94 | From: Texas | Registered: Aug 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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renyoj, I don't understand why you are talking as if you are pregnant when to my understanding the only tests you have had done -- at hospitals, no less -- have not shown you to be pregnant. Additionally, you're a minor, and can't legally just go live with some guy. If you left home to do that, the next rung of trouble you'd likely find yourself in was winding up in a detention center, honestly.

I'll be frank: I don't know what else to tell you, and I'm starting to feel, very strongly, that we're not going to be able to offer you the kind of help that you need, even adjunctly. We've invested a lot of time in helping you to make better choices for yourself, but my feeling is that much of what we say to you falls on deaf ears.

You seem to me to be pretty committed to making poor choices, to sticking around people who enable you in that, and to avoiding the things that do stand a chance of helping you change your life for the better. I know at this point when you post things like this you have to know what we're going to say, so I'm perplexed as to why you keep posting things like this, that given.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
renyoj
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No, those tests said I was, and the ones I did did too. That's the only reason I even brought it up. And I'm sorry it seems that way, I'm not trying to but I don't even know what I'm thinking right now and nothing has been making sense.Right now quite honestly I feel like Caden and I don't like it and now I can really see how he came to do what he did and hell maybe it was the right choice.

If you're sick of me then you don't have to reply, I can't use the computer after tomorrow anyway. Thanks Heather, sorry again.

[ 09-06-2009, 11:27 AM: Message edited by: renyoj ]

Posts: 94 | From: Texas | Registered: Aug 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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The hospital tests said you were? You didn't mention that, at all, until now. That seems like a pretty huge thing not to have mentioned in all of this, especially given the focus of the site.

In fact, AFTER both hospital visits, you told us, expressly, you were sure you were not pregnant.

And things like this -- you not mentioning hospital tests found you to be pregnant, then suddenly you bringing it up now -- and some other things here are starting to make us feel like you have not been fully honest. That's a problem, especially when you ask for and require so much time.

What I said is not about being sick of anyone, it's about recognizing our own limits, as well as how you seem to be responding to the help you keep asking us for. I hear you when you say nothing seems to be making sense and you're not thinking clearly, an assessment you have continued to make, but if you're going to make that assessment, then continually second-guess people who ARE thinking clearly, then again, we simply are not going to be able to help you, and/or you are in a position where you need more help, or a different level of help, then we or any kind of online service are able to give.

[ 09-06-2009, 11:38 AM: Message edited by: Heather ]

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
renyoj
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I thought I had, but if you said I didn't then I guess I didn't but I thought I had. I don't know, I was probably being vague when I mentioned it. Why's the a huge thing though, just because it's his kid and where I'm going? Because either way I'm stuck with it, or my parents will be so it'll be around me. And if you don't believe me you don't, I can't change that. So if that's the case just let me know and I won't bother y'all. And you don't have to take special time or take priority of me, and I know I post or ask a lot of questions but you don't have to reply in the next two minutes. I've been ignored for years, so waiting for a reply isn't going to hurt my feels any.

And I don't really see how I've been second guessing y'all either lately, since I got back. Like I said I'm not thinking great so if I have been just let me know I just don't see how I have been. Hell I gave up the fight about going to that place, I haven't been having sex since I went with Cayt, Trevor's gone so there's no problem with that, I've been doing counseling and talking so I don't know how I've been bad really.

You're right, I did say that. And I lied when I said I wasn't, I hoped they were wrong and if they weren't I was going to get my ex to hurt me or get him to pay for an abortion. I understand you not believing that, and that's fine cause that's my fault.

[ 09-06-2009, 11:53 AM: Message edited by: renyoj ]

Posts: 94 | From: Texas | Registered: Aug 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Trust being built goes both ways. If you aren't honest, or outrightly lie here, that's another barrier to us being able to help, and certainly will become a barrier to us wanting to devote time to someone. It's also a betrayal.

I'm not going to go into what you have or haven't been doing, especially since you contradict yourself a lot. You say you "gave up the fight" about going to inpatient care on Monday, but this post is a post asking if you should evade that and run off with some guy. And it was only a few days ago that you ran away to choose to engage in the same kind of sexual behavior we advised you cease.

At this point, I think the best we can do is to reiterate all that we have said already. I personally think you need inpatient care. I think inpatient care is the best thing for you right now, based on all you have posted here and the way you have posted here. I think trying to run away from that not only isn't going to help you, it's only going to limit your options even more and get you even more stuck and into deeper trouble.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
renyoj
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Well I'm getting it and I'll be there for a long time, unless I do something about it. Thank you for your time, I'm sure I've been irking among everything else. Sorry.
Posts: 94 | From: Texas | Registered: Aug 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Well, I hope you do wind up going, and I hope you can go in dedicated to using the services they can give you and working it for yourself.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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