I'm worried I'm becoming too dependent on my relationship. Tonight my boyfriend was hanging out with his friends and invited me over, I said I might stop by for a bit but wasn't sure. I tried to call him twice and he never answered, probably either left his phone at home or can't hear it. It's not that I care hes spending time with his friends and not me or anything like that, but I'm just sad we're not spending the night together and feel lonely. And I feel over emotional about it in a wierd way. Also if recently if I ever think about breaking up, I think I would need to have someone else lined up (not for a serious relationship but to date and flirt with) and then I catch myself in the thought and know its stupid but I can't stop myself from having these thoughts and feelings of needing a relationship with a guy on more than a friends level. I don't understand why I'm feeling this way. Maybe just because I've beein in this relationship for so long and am so used to having someone I can't imagine being without someone? Right now the thought of being without someone scares me. I don't understand, I have a lot of other things going on in my life, and a lot of other projects and goals that are extremely important to me and take up a lot of my time and energy that I love to do, it's very important for me to be independent and be a whole person on my own, and I just can't understand why I've been having these feelings.
It started last winter when I was very sick and pretty much was dependent on my boyfriend to do a lot of basic stuff for me, like household chores or handing in assignemnts. Then after I got better I still had some leftover feelings from that...but it seems as if they never went away and now all I want is to be with someone. And its wierd because it doesnt need to be on a serious level which is the point at which it would be possible to become dependent on someone. I'm just confusing myself right now, if anyone had any thoughts or advice that would be appreciated
Posts: 246 | From: canada | Registered: Jul 2006
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I'm sorry that your post sat so long unanswered! How are things right now, and how are you feeling about all this now that it's been a few weeks. It sounds like a really good realization to make but a hard one, too. Being able to depend on a partner is an essential part of a committed, long-term relationship but I understand how, at the same time, you don't want to find yourself becoming co-dependent. While I'm not a big relationship person by nature, I've grown to really appreciate the supportive, stable aspects of a long-term relationship with someone you like/love. I can understand how it's not something you'd want to lose but also realize that you can't go from 0 to committed relationship with the people you date afterward; it'd be an unfair ersatz-relationship rather than a new one built slowly over time. However, you know all this, which is why you're posting!
Not to jump to conclusions, but do you think you might be depressed? How are the other things in your life, your other goals and stuff? Sometimes we just get in a rut and we have to work our way out of it, either on our own or with professional help. I know you from around the boards but I don't know you well enough to make a call like that.
As for depending on him so much when you were sick, does he still do that stuff for you? Do you think he likes being a helper? What do you do for yourself/him/your relationship?
Posts: 3318 | Registered: Jun 2003
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