I don't have a question that needs answering. I'm just the kind of person that needs to tell someone about stuff thats going on in my life. And I dont really want to tell any of my friends (you'll see why in a second). Feel free to comment.
So, let me set the stage. I've been dating a girl for a year now. I love her, she loves me. We are great for each other. We never fight (only a couple times have we fought, but they got resolved quickly). We are both mature and respect each other. The only thing that could potentially be a problem is that we dont have sex that much. 2-3 times a week maybe? We are both busy constantly and by the time we are done with our days, we just want to go to bed. We've also been living with each other for around a year. Other than the sex thing, which we both dont find THAT much of a problem, things are perfect.
Heres where things start to take a turn. My girlfriend just got a scholarship that will take her to Germany for 10 months. She leaves in 3 weeks. We decided that if we 'dated' while she was over there things would get very difficult. It would be a depressing year filled with long Skype calls and letters and missing each other. Not to mention this will be my hardest year in school yet. So we decided to break up the day she leaves. We arent promising on getting back together, but its a good possibility after the 10 months. During the 10 months, we can do whatever we want! We are single for the most part. We will still stay in contact and I'll probably go visit her in December.
Now, because I know we will be breaking up, I cant help but look around at the girls I see around me. There isnt much of a selection, but the one that catches my eye is a good friend of mine. Shes cute, smart, artistic, etc. I want nothing serious with her. But im attracted. The only problem is that she has a boyfriend who happens to be one of my best friends from high school (and still is). I love my best friend. Hes a fun guy, a good friend, but a BAD boyfriend. Everyone in our circle of friends knows this. Hes controlling, mean, and a party pooper. His girlfriend has a hard time dealing with him (a she complains about him and tries to cover up being upset) and quite frankly, I dont think they should be dating. A lot of people who know them feel this way. I want them both to be happy, but I dont think thats possible with each other.
Lets rewind to a specific event last week. My friend, his girlfriend, my girlfriend and I are at my place for drinks. We dont get to do this often due to the fact that we all live so far away. So we wanted to have a lot of fun. And we did. It started with the 2 girls feeling each other's breasts (being egged on my me and my friend). We then moved things into the bedroom and the girls wanted the guys to remove their shirts. Jokingly, I said "not until you guys are topless". However, they didnt take it as a joke. Both of their shirts came off. This was great! My girlfriend who I love so much and my hot friend who im attracted to are both topless in my bed. A dream for some men. Things escalated even more and the girls started going down on each other first. Licking each other everywhere, etc. Then the guys got involved. We didnt really switch partners too much though. I had sex with my girlfriend and my friend had sex with his girlfriend about a foot away from me in my own bed. His girlfriend, however, kept touching me and my girlfriend. She was fingering my girlfriend while I was inside her. She would grab my penis, etc. I was feeling both girls breasts and managed to kiss my friends girlfriend a bit as well.
The next morning, I felt perfectly fine about the night. I didnt regret anything. In fact, I wanted to do it again! Both girls remembered it all and didn't regret it. They had fun. The only person who was angry about it was my friend. He got mad saying to his girlfriend "I thought your body was just for me, etc etc." Kind of a bummer. He never lets her have fun.
I love my girlfriend. But shes leaving. And Im attracted to my friend's girlfriend. I dont want a relationship with her. I just want casual sex as friends. Anyway, Im not sure there is much else to say.
Well I certainly am sorry that your friend is such a party-pooper (as you put it ), I was just wondering why you two decided to break up when she leaves?
Posts: 7 | From: Texas | Registered: Aug 2009
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Honestly, I feel calling someone a "party pooper" for being uncomfortable with a given sexual act (especially one that has the potential to greatly change the dynamics of both his friendships and his relationship) is incredibly dismissive of that person's feelings. What you've described him as doing in his relationship with his girlfriend does sound pretty iffy, and perhaps borders on the abusive. If there is abuse going on, then the last thing a thoughtful friend should do is convince her to hook up with them. Seriously. Healing from abuse can take time, and even if the relationship isn't abusive, some people need time after the end of a relationship to sort of mull things over and regain their equilibrium and sense of self.
If you want to pursue any type of relationship with her beyond friendship, then it would be appropriate to wait at least a couple of months after the relationship with her boyfriend ends, if it does end. If she stays in the relationship, then it would be appropriate to have a discussion with both her and her boyfriend to see if an open relationship is a possibility. Based on his reactions to that sex act between the four of you, it's sounding pretty unlikely that her boyfriend would be cool with it, though. There are a ton of people out there, so it doesn't make much sense to risk a friendship and upset a relationship just for one person.
As for your girlfriend, ending the relationship when she leaves isn't the only option. You two might also consider having an open relationship.
-------------------- Listen, strange women lyin' in ponds distributin' swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.--Monty Python and the Holy Grail Posts: 2726 | From: North America | Registered: Apr 2007
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