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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Jealousy issues?

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Author Topic: Jealousy issues?
AJ1314
Neophyte
Member # 43598

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I've been going out with my boyfriend for more than 9 months now and I know that he is fairly good friends with his ex girlfriend. They hang out a lot but it's always also with other people. I don't know what's wrong with me, I think I have major jealous issues or something but whenever they go out or if I even know that they're talking to each other on facebook or msn, I always get this really uneasy feeling in my gut. It's not only when he talks to his ex, it's also whenever he talks to other girls. Any other girl.
I do trust him, and I know he would never cheat or anything. But I'm just scared that he mights start to develop feelings for any of those other girls. I know he would never intentionally cheat but, you can't help who you fall in love with, right?
Maybe I'm just overly possessive or something. Anyone know what I can do?

[ 08-04-2009, 06:10 PM: Message edited by: AJ1314 ]

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Have the three of you ever hung out?

When we're seeing someone, we usually spend time with their friends, even friends who used to be partners or someone they dated. have you all been able to do that yet?

If not, I'd suggest starting there. If you have your own relationship with her, and can see clearly that they are friends, it should help.

You might also want to realize that you're right, any of us -- including you -- can have feelings for other people. In fact, it's very uncommon for anyone to ONLY be attracted to one person in the whole world. But our feelings are not the same as our actions, and a partner being isolated from people they might have or have had feelings for isn't healthy.

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Sedi Tlugvi
Activist
Member # 21797

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Also, have you talked to him about it? I pretty much know where you're coming from. I struggle with my own self esteem issues and jealousy regarding my own partner. I've noticed that if I let it fester, a whole array of situations start to boggle my mind, like "Oh, man, I wonder what they're doing. Is 'something' going on...Am I being compared to her?" You know, those sorts of things. =] But if instead I talk to him [non-catty and non accusingly] and explain that I'm feeling insecure and struggling with some of my own issues reagarding this, it really helps. Not only to talk about it, but to be reassured that everything is okay. =] Heathers advice about accepting that levels of attraction with other people are completely normal, but by no means have to MEAN anything and developing a seperate relationship with the person you may feel jealousy towards really does help. =] Good luck.
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