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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Rebound Dating?

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Author Topic: Rebound Dating?
wyntermidnite
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Member # 24641

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I know all relationships are different, and so are the circumstances and personal healing time. Is the first person you date after getting out of a long term relationship always a 'rebound' or is it only if you haven't dealt with the issues from your last relationship?

My boyfriend of 3 years and I broke up mutually about a month ago, it was a long time in the making and I feel pretty at peace with the relationship and it's end. We got along really well, had good communication and respect for each other, we just realized that what we wanted out of life was radically different and we knew we were too incompatible to try building a life together, so we broke up. I honestly (even amazed myself) have nothing but goodwill for him and hope he does things that make him feel happy and fulfilled in his life.

I feel like I understand our relationship, how and why it worked and ended and that I can appreciate him more as a person and friend now than I did when we were together.

I have a crush on a guy I know through school, we've been in a few plays together, we talk a lot and are friends. We flirt a little bit and I really like him. I would never want to hurt him though, I'd like to try going out on some dates but I don't want to make him a rebound. Do you think if we went out he would be a rebound?

I stay in contact with my ex, and still have positive feelings for him. How do you know when you're ready to date again? Is a rebound impossible to avoid if you want to start dating again?

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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I think a lot of this depends on how long you already felt broken up, to put it shortly.

In other words, not everyone's breakup process is the same, even for couples in a break-up. Often, one partner is engineering, moving towards or thinking about a breakup, and kind of distancing themselves from the relationship or moving on, before another. And for a person who has been doing that process themselves and in their own heads, they'll tend to be more resolved sooner than the person in the other spot, even though the official "It's over" happened for them at the same time.

I think of rebounding as primarily what someone does when (any or all of the following):
They have just been broken up with
They have just had a breakup and are freaked about being single or being without someone's sexual or romantic interest in them; are afraid of being alone
They really have not had time and space to process what went on in a previous relationship, what worked for them, what didn't, what they want in a new one
They are trying to replace an ex

Those are the primary things that come to my mind, anyway.

I hear you saying you feel ready to date, I hear you having an awareness around rebounding, I hear you wanting to date first, not zip right into something serious at lightning-speed. I also hear you saying you feel ready to date again, which is hardly unimportant.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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