I think I've already said it before but I am really not close to my father and he's never really been present a lot in my life, even when I was a kid.
When I was young, he was living at home with my mom, but they were both getting into fights a lot especially as the years went by. He was pretty much always away from home going out with friends and stuff. My parents decided to divorce a few years ago and I think this was a good decision.
I rarely get to see him or hear from him. He pretty much never calls me and I get to see him like once every few months but not all summer long. I have a brother and he is really closer to my dad and they do stuff together and hang out but I never personnally do that and he's never asked me if I wanted to do so.
It's not like he's really busy and he lives like at like 10 min in car from where I usually live, no more.
Do you think he loves me, do you think he cares about me ? He just wrote me an email today (which made me cry) stating that he misses me and thinks about me a lot and that we should do a family gathering soon with me and my other sis and bros. If he really love me and care about me, why doesn't he gives me more signs like calling me more often, he can go months without calling me or seeing me.
It might feel like I'm this selfish person just wanting to be loved and cared about but I just feel like I need that a lot. No one as really told me that they love me albeit my past partners who then engaged in abuse towards me. You might think I'm just thinking about myself but this is just how I feel.
Have you tried outright telling your dad that you want more contact, doubt his love for you, and what you really need from him?
Sometimes, people just don't know what people close to them need, parents much less. They kind of know when we're kids, but that's mostly because kids' needs seem more clear-cut to most people. Some parents may not know how to relate to an adult child they've been separate from, especially if you tend to shut people out (which you've posted about).
To me, the gauge of your dad loving and caring about you would be if he responds positively to you telling him what you need from him and want your relationship to be like, and he works to make those changes. I'm betting he does love you, but isn't quite sure how to go about interacting with you, or is afraid of intruding.
Posts: 4636 | From: USA/Northern Europe | Registered: Oct 2005
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