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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Dating ?

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Author Topic: Dating ?
Member # 29292

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I just want your opinion. Do you think it's okay for me while dealing with my issues with the help of a counselor to start dating again but while taking things slow ? They're just somebody I'm interested in.

Do you feel it's just a recipe for disaster ?

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Posts: 3598 | From: Canada | Registered: Jun 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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Hi Cool,

In general, that's the type of thing that should be discussed with a counselor first, with whom you can talk about extensive specifics.

I also noticed that in this post you said that you weren't thinking about starting to date any time soon, so I'm a bit confused about what's going on.

You definitely don't need the permission of anyone here to date, and really, we can't evaluate where you are in terms of your process of getting back into therapy (in terms of getting comfortable with it and developing a relationship with your counselor). If it's something your worried about going badly, you should talk with your counselor about whether or not now is the right time.

Edited to add: I also just found this post where it was made very clear that you should be in counseling for a while *before* starting a relationship. That's the response you're likely to keep getting.

[ 07-08-2009, 10:14 PM: Message edited by: atm1 ]

Posts: 2262 | From: in transition | Registered: Apr 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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Cool: This is a subject that has really been discussed at length with you already. You have proven in the past to have a tendency to push past your own set boundaries in relationships. You’ve expressed that you feel you either owe a partner sex, or that you’re somehow holding the relationship back by stating you’re not comfortable with sex at a given time – and we’ve explained that it’s a better idea to focus on things outside of relationships until you’re better able to keep to the boundaries you’re comfortable with. Our advice really has not changed, as the situation has not changed.

Whether or not you choose to follow that advice is your own choice, but it’s been consistent up to this point – so there’s really no use in repeating it. You don’t need our permission to date someone should you choose. This would, on the other hand, really be a good subject to discuss with your counselor. As would the difficulty to sticking to set boundaries, because that’s really an important part of personal safety.

(Here are a couple of posts that illistrate these discussions with you from before. boyfriend problem, he's thinking maybe about breaking up, scared of not being good enough )

"Sometimes the majority only means that all the fools are on the same side" ~Anon

Posts: 3429 | From: Pennsylvania | Registered: Jan 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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