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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Accepting her drugs

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Author Topic: Accepting her drugs
Member # 39705

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I have a very close friend, we're considering dating but haven't quite reached that level yet. I've known for about a year that she's fond of alcohol, and I've come to accept that she's a fairly safe drinker, and I can't deny her her pleasures as much as I despise it.
But just a few minutes ago I also found out she dabbles in drugs to ease her social nerves. I nearly burst into tears and my entire body was shaking. I couldn't speak. She told me she's safe and she rarely does it anymore but . . . I don't see how I can date someone who not only drinks, but does drugs. Both are two things I am STRONGLY against and I avoid people who do them all I can, but . . . I really care for her and I don't want to walk away from her because of something she rarely does anymore.

I don't know what to do. I wish so badly I could accept these things as a part of society and they're not that bad, but I just can't. I don't want to lose her over such a petty issue of mine, and I don't want to ask her to stop her favorite activities, but I don't want to walk in on her one day with a joint in one hand and a beer in the other. It would kill me.

(Phew that felt good to get off my chest!)

Posts: 32 | From: California | Registered: Aug 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Well, it sounds fairly clear like, per your preferences and values, it's probably sound to take dating off the table for now. If you know you only want to date people who don't drink or do drugs, then it's best to stick to those wants.

I think with friends one can be a bit more flexible, and that perhaps, you can sustain your friendship for now and see how that works for you per what her habits are these days. You also always have the option of making clear that you, personally, are not down with drinking and drugs, so when you two hang out, you'd just prefer it be only at sober times. That's fair.

Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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