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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » True friend ?

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Author Topic: True friend ?
cool87
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I have this guy friend, who's pretty much my only guy friend right now, who I like a lot and feels very comfortable with. It's hard for me to trust guys in general and I generally fear getting close to men, even sometimes when we're just talking about friendships, but I feel like I can do that with him and feel comfortable talking about things with him. We're just friends though.

We went out lately and I learned from one of his other friend that he told me a lie. It's kind of a really simple lie, I don't know why he'd lie to me about that but when I asked him how something happened, he neglected to tell me that it happened in a bar and told me something else instead. When I questionned him about that, he just told me he lied about it because he was embarassed about it, embarassed to tell me. I'm really not somebody who'd judge and I think he knows that and I told him that.

I don't know what to think. I'd think that he'd be comfortable being honest with me, just as we generally are with friends. It's not like he could have hurt me by being honest about what happened. I feel able to tell him pretty much anything and I've generally always be the one who comes to that point last, my experience has been that people generally confide in me before I feel comfortable confiding in them.

I'm also a bit frustrated cause I felt like I could really trust him but I don't feel the same way right now.

How would you feel ? Do you think I'm overreacting ? I am not thinking of ending the relationship because I really like him and I forget him, it's just a little thing, but I'm just a little upset.

[ 05-26-2009, 07:52 PM: Message edited by: cool87 ]

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Posts: 3598 | From: Canada | Registered: Jun 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Selkie
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Some things are just really really embaressing to say, and on the occasion, a little lie does help things along. For example, if on prom night my dates asks how do they look, I'm going to say great.

That being said, truth is really important - what I would do is ask if what happened that he doesn't want to tell is "important" or not - if he says it's not, believe him, trust in him, and whenever you're sad or down, use your imagination to conjure up a possible scenario that would leave him in such a situation that he's never want to talk about it again. (So, for example, he was drunk, went to stand on the bar, and his pants ripped off while he was going up... mooned the entire bar. Or something. Anything.)


Sorry I'm not more help

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"Fear is the mind-killer"
-Don't be afraid.

Posts: 117 | From: I'd prefer to keep it private | Registered: Mar 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
cool87
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It's not about that. It's simply about him falling in the bar (probably because he was too drunk, he did not tell me) and spraining his ankle. He's told me that he fell somewhere else while climbing the clairs and I just learned it happened at a bar from another friend.

It's just that me and some other friends used to joke around sometimes as to how he gets very drunk sometimes (and just sometimes) and does silly things that he doesn't remember the day after. He generally doesn't mind about it and laugh about it himself. We wouldn't do it if it hurt him but he assured us it doesn't. I don't know if that's linked to him lying about it or not.

[ 05-26-2009, 08:25 PM: Message edited by: cool87 ]

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orca
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You say he gets drunk "sometimes" (people interpret "sometimes" very different ways, so I'm not sure what you mean by this), so do you know if he may have some problems with alcohol abuse? If so, then it's possible he's aware of that problem and is trying to cover it up. Getting drunk enough to cause bodily injury is pretty serious, and I might consider talking to him about it. Granted, accidents can happen, but that he feels the need to also cover up how it happened could indicate that he does have a drinking problem as alcohol abusers will often lie about how often they drink.

Now, whether or not it's your responsibility to talk to him about a potential alcohol abuse is your call and depends on your particular view of social responsibility. If you do decided to approach him about it, I could give you some links to resources.

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Listen, strange women lyin' in ponds distributin' swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.--Monty Python and the Holy Grail

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cool87
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No, I know what you mean Orca but he's not having a drinking problem at least as I'm aware and I'm generally very sensitive to issues like that. He doesn't drink frequently (a few times a month), it's just that when he drinks, he drinks a lot but it's the first time he's ever had a body injury linked to drinking.

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