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» Got Questions? Get Answers. » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » It's like a roller coaster after a breakup. How about you?

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Author Topic: It's like a roller coaster after a breakup. How about you?
Typical Young and Dumb Teenager?
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I know y'all all know by now my boyfriend and I broke up the beginning of February after dating a year and a half, and I've struggled, and continue to do so, with how things are now.

Earlier I read Heather's post about being the breakup-er, and while it was someone of a mutual breakup, I think it fell more on him. It just kind of helped me realize how he may have felt at the time..

A little over a week ago, I went to his house "to chill." Since that was only the second time we had really talked since the breakup, we both confessed that we still loved each other.. kissed, hugged, whatever. Since then, we stopped talking due to me telling him I thought that he just wanted to use me (and I still kind of do) but the not talking part is coming from his side because he claims to be "offended". Today I learned that he spread some of "our" business with at least one of his friends , when he said he wouldn't AND didn't do (his friend didn't find out recently, but it was after the breakup)! So, now I'm kind of pissed at him.. again! With prom after party coming up, I'm kind of worried I might say/do some things I will regret, although I do have friends that plan to watch after me. And in all honesty, I just feels like my emotions go up and down and up and down because of him. Between the mixed signals and emotions, still caring so much about him, and finding out how big of a douche he really can be, I always find myself having all right highs and then crashing with a low.

I suppose I don't really have a question, but it would be nice to hear about what others are going through/have gone through. (Possibly more optimistic than pessimistic if possible. [Wink] ) Sometimes hearing stories from others can be a comfort in its own way.

[ 04-21-2009, 10:47 PM: Message edited by: Typical Young and Dumb Teenager? ]

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Young and Dumb.
"Life is a balance of holding on and letting go." - Keith Urban

Posts: 243 | From: USA | Registered: Mar 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
JamsessionVT
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I just went through a pretty rough break-up with my partner of over 2 years, and I've been hesitant to talk about it because it is still very painful for both of us, but I think this is a great idea for a topic, Typical [Smile] .

I still love him very much, but my partner knew from the get-go that I was not cool with settling down or getting really deep into something with the first person I really dated. He was my first serious boyfriend, and while I truly enjoyed everything about our relationship, I knew that at some point, I would need space to experience other people. I don't intend to settle down any time soon, and I started to find that in the last few month of our relationship, things were so serious and so intimate that I began to get freaked out. There were things about him that started to rub on me more and more, and since we were in a quasi-long distance relationship and saw each other less than twice a month, if the time we spent together didn't go perfectly, we parted feeling like crap.

I had talked with both my parents before about how rocky their relationship was before they got married; my mom left my dad for a period of about a year after they had dated for 3 years for her own reasons, leaving my dad pretty hurt and blindsided, and though eventually got back together and married (and have been married for 22 years now) they both told me they really regret decisions they made early on. I don't want to have those same regrets, and so I explained to my partner a while ago that it was really important to me to live my life knowing I at least took chances with other people.

To make a long story short, the conditions of our relationship over the past couple months made me feel as though this was a good time to step out. I originally wanted to ask for an open relationship, but given the circumstances and the fact that he was NOT okay with being in one, I made the incredibly difficult decision to leave him. I'll be really honest, it sucked, and still sucks. I have never wanted to avoid something so badly in my life, and I still wonder a little bit if I did the right thing. We've been talking some, and while it's still difficult, he's accepted and understands why I made the decision I did. He even went as far to write me a letter confirming so many things and answering so many questions I had, and since then we've been on much better terms. We didn't part poorly, but it is by far the most difficult thing either of us have had to do.

It's still really hard, and I know it will be for a while, but I've been able to take comfort knowing that I did what was right by me, and that he knows he can still talk to me whenever he needs to, and that we're still there for each other.

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Abbie
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Typical Young and Dumb Teenager?
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Well, my ex and I don't really talk anymore, but we don't hate each other either. Although he continues to tell me that "it's not like that", he recently started talking to another girl, and while it does hurt a little to know he is, I know we aren't together and I really don't mind, especially since I'm certain that I don't want him back in "that" way.

One of my close friends broke up with her boyfriend of a year and half earlier this week after finding out that he was talking to other girls. Like I was when my ex and I first broke up, she is devestated, but a few friends and I are having a little get-together at my place tonight to keep her mind off of things, like they all did for me. Her breakup did kind of remind me of everything, and while I was good for a while, I've been kind of sad and somewhat missing my ex. But nothing near what it was 2-3 weeks ago.

I'm not sure if I'm over him or not because I know I still love and care about him, but I don't feel like I'm "in love" anymore. I guess I still want him as a friend (and we're not) so I keep holding on just a little bit. The new girl isn't going to like me being around and I don't want to mess up what they may/could have, though, so I've decided to not even try.

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Young and Dumb.
"Life is a balance of holding on and letting go." - Keith Urban

Posts: 243 | From: USA | Registered: Mar 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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