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Author Topic: getting bored?
*a_dream_in_aqua*
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My boyfriend and I have been dating more than a year and a half, and we are in a long distance college relationship. Recently, he brought to my attention, that I don't seem as interested when he tries to flirt with me and that I don't flirt back with him the way that I used to. What bothers me is that I haven't realized this change, and it's not like I'm seeing or even being interested in anyone else. I think it has to do with the fact that we haven't seen each other in awhile and that it's hard for me to constantly stay in a horny, playful state when I miss him so much. I've told him so, and he doesn't suspect me of cheating or anything like that but I was wondering what I could do to better show that I'm still in love with him?

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Knowlege IS Power.

Posts: 60 | From: MA | Registered: Oct 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
JamsessionVT
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You know, I've been going through this on and off with my partner of over two years for a while now. And it has had much less to do with not being interested and more to do with a lack of good communication.

Your relationship, realistically, changes all the time. The dynamics of any romantic relationship won't stay the same over a course of time because the people involved, especially when you're younger, are changing and growing as well. Too, it's easy to relax more when you've been with someone for a while, and there are plenty of couples that feel the "spark" die out with time, when really we're just talking about a change in the relationship, and not necessarily in a bad way.

At the start of the relationship, you have those butterflies and the flirting and the excitement because it's all new. That's our way of testing the waters, so to speak, or getting close to someone. As you become more comfortable with that person, we tend to be more relaxed and can connect with that person in other ways.

Too, in an LDR, you don't HAVE that physical connection as much, and talking over the phone or on the internet can only satisfy so much (not necessarily sexually, but emotionally as well). So of course you're not going to stay aroused or excited for months at a time. That's not realistic.

Have you discussed with him how you feel about being apart, how it's difficult for you, and how this obviously is not about a lack of attraction? Because if you haven't, that's where I'd start. Communication is important at any point in a relationship, but even more so in an LDR. A lot of people are hesitant to bring up the bad, what's bugging them, their stress, etc., when talking to their partner because when you only have so much time to talk with them, you want to keep things on the happy side. It might be worth considering trying other means of communication, too, like sending a video back and forth, webcam, etc. My partner and I created a scrapbook where we'd glue the other person into a picture of ourselves and send the scrapbook back and forth. It was silly, but it reminded both of us that we can be together without actually being able to see eachother.

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Abbie
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Posts: 3987 | From: Greater Burlington Area, Vermont | Registered: Apr 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
*a_dream_in_aqua*
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Yes, my boyfriend and I have great communication, and I think the reason why I've been feeling this way is because I know that we are both missing each other and how horrible it feels. We talked tonight, and he said that he said "was it because of a lack of attraction" thing because he didnt know what else to say. I think it's jut tought and it's gonna take some time-like you said. Relationships change, and that's really just what it is. Thanks for your help! I believe that we're strong enough to get through this and that we are going to tackle this issue in a creative way. I love the scrapbook idea!

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Knowlege IS Power.

Posts: 60 | From: MA | Registered: Oct 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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