I'm 20, and it seems that finally this past year my interest in relationships have kicked in amd I'm actually interested in guys and sex (i always thought I was lagging behind.) and it seems i'm finally attracting guys. The thing is, I've had a couple of non-starters with guys - you know, guys who like you you don't like back. And a few dates with a guy who was great to talk to but it ended up as nothing. A few weeks back i got quite drunk at a party and a guy got my phone number, but the next day I realised it was bad idea since I just agreed because I was excessivley flirty/horny when i was drunk, so after a bit of confidence-building with my friend I finally sent him a direct text to say I wasn't looking for a relationship yet.
And that's the thing : I relaised that i'm really not looking for a relationship with a guy at the moment. With uni it's too much hassle, and since I started masturbating I don't feel I need a guy for the sex-instinct side of it either.
But what concerns me was a bit revealed with the 1st guy i 'dated' was that, at my age, i'm really inexperienced in all areas. when it didn't work out, i worried it was because I wasn't giving the right signals - we didn't even kiss, I didn't even now how to know when the time was right, and whether I could flirt or even touch his hand! I feel like a dork at my age. Now, I do feel a bit liberated by the fact that i'm no longer looking for a boyfriend, and I'm really happy with that, but i'm worried about the passage of time. If I continue not to have one through uni, I'll be at leats 21 or 22 and i'll have not had sex, or probably even had a first kiss! Is it wierd for someone to be this old and be so inexperienced - I mean, will any later boyfriends not get it. It's embarassing.
I just wondered what you think about it. Thanks
Posts: 18 | From: England | Registered: Nov 2008
| IP: Logged |
You're not going to find any books, charts or diagrams explaining where you should be experience-wise in relationships and sex at any age. Ergo, there is no such thing.
I have a friend who just graduated last spring at the age of 23, and he's never dated seriously, never slept with anyone, and never had any serious sexual encounters. He's not a bad looking or unattractive person (personality or appearance) at all; he just decided that it wasn't something he wanted at the time, and when he's ready, he'll go fishing, so to speak.
It's difficult not to line yourself up with friends and classmates who have been in the dating scene longer than you, have had more partners, etc. But don't pressure yourself to live up to someone else's standards. You said yourself that you aren't looking specifically for a boyfriend right now, and that you don't have any urges to become involved with anyone. Why do something you don't want to do just because everyone else is?
Too, you have to remember that our needs and wants change from time to time, even from month to month. A few months down the road, you may decide you want a relationship. But when that happens, it should be on your own schedule, and not because you feel you'll be getting dry and dusty if you don't, you know?
JamsessionVT, that's just not true, those charts can be seen in the patterns left by your frosted flakes if you look hard enough!
Seriously though, it doesn't matter what sexual experiences you have or haven't had in the past, anybody who's worth being won't mind either way. And definitely, since you (according to your posts) aren't in the mood for a relationship, or necessarily even feeling that keen to have partnered sex, don't push yourself into something you aren't ready for, it is indeed a wonderfully liberating thing to realise you don't actually need a boyfriend, so do things you do want to do right now.
-------------------- Always knock before entering my room when I am in there alone, as I may be doing all sorts of wonderfully thrilling things that I'd rather you didn't see. Posts: 840 | From: UK | Registered: Dec 2008
| IP: Logged |
I just turned 25 and I have never so much as gone on a date. I can't lie, I would look down on me and my situation if I was anybody else. I don't think it's normal at all to be my age and completely inexperienced in all aspects of life with the opposite sex. I am so close to believing that my life is never going to change. I've heard all the advice in the world, and I just can't get it done.
Obviously I'm in no position to give advice on how to succeed with the opposite sex, but perhaps knowing my situation can motivate those close to my point to do something for themselves.
Posts: 35 | From: Canada | Registered: Mar 2007
| IP: Logged |
Copyright 1998, 2014 Heather Corinna/Scarleteen
Scarleteen.com: Providing comprehensive sex education online to teens and young adults worldwide since 1998
Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.