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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Marriage readiness?

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Author Topic: Marriage readiness?
smokey
Activist
Member # 39760

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Just wondering if there were any marriage readiness checklists up on these boards or site... I have been searching a bit and havne't been able to find one... I want to know if there are things I haven't thought about. I'm at that stage where I want to know if this relationship is going to lead to somewhere as we are LDR at least half the time.
Posts: 92 | From: Australia | Registered: Aug 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
smokey
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?
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sweetnvicious
Neophyte
Member # 42251

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Hi there, Smokey. I don't think that this site has any 'marriage readiness' checklists. In my opinion, you should consider quite a few things before even thinking about gettting married. From what I understand, you're in a long distance relationship, yes? It might help if you tell me a bit about your relationship. Like, how long have you two been together? How old are you? Etc...

Maybe I can help [Smile]

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smokey
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Hey [Smile] Well we've been good friends for ages now... have been dating about one and a half years now... our relationship is sort of long distance... nothing as hardcore as what i've heard... we see each other some weekends... and over holidays. He is about 200km away from me. We're both 20 this year... and I know it's awfully young to be thinking about something like that, I just can't help it. I'm not sure... can you put any other spins on it?
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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Just for the record, we don't have something like that, nor do I ever see us having it. In part because not everyone can get married, even those who want to, also because for our age demographic, marriage is a huge legal agreement for people to make -- more than it is a relationship thing -- and the younger people tend to marry statistically, the more of a mess it tends to be, and also because marriage in and of itself really doesn't tell us anything about the quality or longevity of relationships anyway. There's also some feminist issues involved when it comes to the politics of what we do here.

I hear you asking if your relationship is going to lead to "somewhere." It might help you to think, really, about what you mean by that. Is it not as you'd like it now? What do you want, ideally? Where do YOU want to see it go?

[ 03-04-2009, 09:01 AM: Message edited by: Heather ]

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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smokey
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Ohhh I see now. Well basically I just want to know if it's going to offer me some stability and security in the future. I know I don't really need that sort of committment right now as I live with my parents, but just to be able to know that when that changes I might be able to make him my family later on.
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smokey
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Does anyone have any more thoughts on this? I really need someone to play devil's advocate with me on this idea so I can really figure out how I feel.
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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Smokey: can you tell me what you're looking for someone to ask you? I'm happy to talk about this with you.

However, I think the crux of this lies with you and your boyfriend. have you two talked about things you want in a relationship long-term, about your hopes and goals for this relationship, about what you both want looking forward?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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