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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » why won't he ask me out?

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Author Topic: why won't he ask me out?
across the universe
Member # 29307

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there's this wonderful guy that i've been seeing since november. kind of. let me explain.

this boy and i met through mutual friends, and the moment i saw him was like, storybook lightning bolts and fireworks chemistry. since november we've been basically acting completely like a couple. i come to his town and stay at his place for days, even a week at a time, and we cuddle, go out to eat, hold hands, sleep together (literally and figuratively) and it's absolutely splendid, really. everything about it is perfect, we have wonderful communication and a deep mutual respect, a healthy amount of competition, and excellent compatibility. [and i should probably mention that our relationship is absolutely monogamous]

the problem is, it's been four months this week since we met, and he still hasnt actually asked me out.

i know for a fact he likes me, and he knows i like him. i would ask him myself, but part of what we like about one another is we're very very confident people, and i think he would be put off by the idea of being asked out by a girl. also, his last relationship was a fairly long-term one that ended when he figured out that it only began as an attempt to make the girl's ex jealous.

what should i do?
should i ask him myself, keep waiting, or just spring for the "what are we?" talk? :/


xx___be beautiful.

"those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."

Posts: 24 | From: Massachusetts | Registered: Jun 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 35485

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If you really feel like there's sparks, I would go ahead and ask him out [Smile] You did say that part of your compatibility is that you admire each other's confidence, and it takes a degree of confidence to ask someone out. However, you may want to weigh how hurt he was over his last relationship; he may not be ready for a new one just yet. And you may want to weigh how happy you would be if he prefers to keep things the way they are now.

I thank God I was raised Catholic, so sex will always be dirty. --John Waters

Posts: 206 | From: Bay Area, CA | Registered: Oct 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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I have to say, for myself, that I personally don't see a lot of mileage in a relationship with someone who doesn't see us as equal per our gender or who might hold me, as a woman, to traditional gender roles or feel threatened by my doing something as simple as asking for something I want in the same way they would.

So, that's one of many reasons I think it's a very good thing for me to ask out whomever I want to ask out rather than waiting. If my mere question makes them uncomfortable because I'm a girl, and they then don't want to be with me, that actually saves me the trouble of winding up on a date or in a relationship that probably wouldn't have been a great one.

Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 39760

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Yeah... I totally agree with you there Heather. A few of my friends' boyfriends have said to me that they would be irked if their girlfriends asked them to marry them... the only reason being that they're girls and it is supposedly meant to be the guys' role to do that part... but, I don't think that's fair at all.

Having that sort of control over a relationship simply due to gender is just not right. Well, having that sort of control over a relationship due to anything is just not right.

Posts: 92 | From: Australia | Registered: Aug 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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