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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » I know it shouldn't bother me, but it does.

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Author Topic: I know it shouldn't bother me, but it does.
Member # 35773

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For the first few months my boyfriend and I were together, we pretty much had sex at least once a day. Then I went back on hormonal birth control, which I'd been off for a while prior to meeting him (Yaz) and started to have some sexual side effects I didn't like much. Namely vaginal dryness and decreased sex drive. I could still want sex, but actually getting physically aroused was difficult and sex was often at least a little uncomfortable. So I decided to try the NuvaRing, which, after two months, completely killed my sex drive. Sex just wasn't appealing to me at all for the three months I was on it. So I stopped taking any hormonal birth control and opted to just use condoms for the time being, and after about a month, my sex drive returned to being similar to what it was before I went back on hormonal birth control.

Throughout all my problems with birth control, my boyfriend and I, obviously, didn't have sex as often as we used to. For the three months I was on the NuvaRing, we hardly had sex at all. And it seems that now my sexual appetite has returned...his hasn't. Or at least, it's significantly lower than mine, which didn't used to be the case.

Now, rationally I know this shouldn't be a big issue. I know he's still attracted to me, we do have sex once or twice a week and it's good and we both enjoy it, and we've been together for almost a year and a's normal for the "passion" to decrease or at least change with time. And he's allowed to not want sex all the time. He was really nice and understanding about me not wanting sex for so long, the least I can do is try to be understanding if he doesn't want sex when I do, right?

But more irrationally...I can't help but feel like crying every time he tells me that he's not in the mood. I felt like I was broken, sexually, for so long, and now that I finally feel better and healed, he just doesn't want me that way anymore. At least not like he used to. And I can't help but feel hurt and frustrated by that.

And yeah, I can (and do) masturbate when I just need an orgasm, but it's not sexual frustration that's really my problem. It's the fact that I want to be able to share sexual pleasure with him again, finally, and he just...isn't nearly as into it as I am.

I've talked to him about it, but we're kind of at a stalemate. I know I can't hold it against him for not always wanting sex when I do, and he can't magically become hornier.

Any words of wisdom?

"America is the only country that went from barbarism to decadence without civilization in between."
-Oscar Wilde

Posts: 115 | From: San Francisco, CA | Registered: Nov 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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You know, some of this may just be a matter of timing.

In other words, it's very typical for things to be much more high-key sexually in the first few months of a relationship, and for things to start to taper down after that. That likely would have happened no matter what when it comes to your BC issues.

It may also have started to feel less high-key for YOU now had you not had that period of time.

Have you had sexual relationships before without the BC issue where you have seen things mellow out a bit over time?

[ 02-16-2009, 11:21 AM: Message edited by: Heather ]

Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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