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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Your experience with long distance relationships

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Author Topic: Your experience with long distance relationships
cool87
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Have you ever been in a long distance relationship and if so, what has the experience been like for you ?


What are some of the difficulties youíve encountered along the way ?


Do you feel like youíve gotten anything positive out of the long distance relationship that you've been in ?


Do you feel like this has made your relationship with your partner stronger or might have brought you and your partner closer than you were ?


Would you have any tip to share as to how to try to make a long distance relationship work ?

Iíll be living away from my current partner for some months throughout this year, including for the next two months. Since weíll be living a good deal of hours away and that we both donít plan to have much time available (if enough) during the weekend to travel, then that means we probably wonít get to meet a lot, if at all, during those months. I got to say that Iím a bit worried as to whether or not our relationship will last through it. I fear like this might just be something that might possibly bring us apart instead of just bringing us more closer than we already are.

[ 01-20-2009, 07:54 PM: Message edited by: cool87 ]

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Heather
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If I'm right in remembering, this is a very, very new dating relationship that you're in. Is that right?

Personally, I wouldn't try and start a new in-person relationship when I know myself or the person I am dating were soon to vamoose for a considerable period of time. Instead, I'd probably just say for us to go our own way and, when we were back, reconnect to see if we still shared an interest in dating. Especially if you are going away for school, worrying so much about a relationship that isn't serious or long-standing strikes me as a bit needless. I'd also bear in mind that it's pretty normal, especially for single young people not in serious relationships, when traveling or being somewhere new, for people to want to be open to new social connections, including dating.

My best experiences with LDRs, personally, have been either when the relationship started out with distance, or when the relationship had actually been established and going on for quite some time first. That isn't to say you can't make this work for you, mind, and sometimes we just meet someone and connect, and find ourselves in this kind of spot.

I've personally been in a handful of LDRs through my life. In fact, my live-in partner I am with now started that way -- we were long-distance for about a year -- and my other partner and I right now are long distance now, though many, many years ago, we were live-in partners. I actually usually tend to enjoy long-distance relationships, probably because I'm a gal who likes a lot of personal space and time for herself. By all means, the missing-of-people-badly is not the fun part, but it can also translate into some very good stuff, and make it pretty hard to take someone for granted when you do see one another.

I don't know that I can say easily if LDRs have made relationships stronger or less strong, because I'm not sure how to isolate that from all the rest of a relationship. However, I have found that LDRs tend to result in a ton of phone and email or letter-writing communication, which can get very deep without the distraction of someone being right in your presence.

I think I've said this is one of our other LDR threads, but in my experience, what helps LDRs to work is finding all those modes of communication you can have without being in person. If you two get really creative about letters and care packages, it can be fantastic: my live-in partner and I are both artists, so some of the packages we made are literal works of art.

I also find that when you have to go really long periods of time without any visits -- they can tend to feel a lot less fun and a lot more painful, but again, that's going to depend on the depth of a relationship: with something brand new and where you're just starting to date, I'd not expect a separation to be that big a deal. I'd say that as an older adult, managing LDRs when I've had them has been a lot easier when I was younger just because of finances: less money meant less visits, bad phone bills to get really stressed out about, etc.

[ 01-20-2009, 08:11 PM: Message edited by: Heather ]

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cool87
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Thanks for sharing Heather ! [Smile]

And yep, our dating relationship is still kind of new, we've been dating for almost a month now. However, we've been friends for almost a year and a half beforehand.

[ 01-20-2009, 08:34 PM: Message edited by: cool87 ]

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atm1
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Have you ever been in a long distance relationship and if so, what has the experience been like for you ?

I'm currently on the other side of the world from my partner, though I was able to visit for two weeks during the holidays.

What are some of the difficulties youíve encountered along the way ?

Being apart after being together is always really hard. He and I both have trouble sleeping by ourselves if we've been together long enough to get used to always being together. Sometimes it's hard to talk about more serious issues, because we don't have the fall back of being able to hold each other to make things feel better. There's also the difficulties associated with being in COMPLETELY different time zones, but that doesn't seem to be something you're worried about (it sounds like you're talking about a separation of 1000 miles or less, right?)

Do you feel like youíve gotten anything positive out of the long distance relationship that you've been in ?

One of the biggest things that I've gotten out of the relationship turning into a long distance relationship is a chance to live a very independent life for a while. While I like sharing my life with my boyfriend, it's good to prove to myself that I can really get out of my comfort zone and be social in different ways with different groups of people without my boyfriend. He and I are both still quite young, and it's definitely good to have some time living independently before deciding to live together more permanently. After about six months on different continents, we both feel like it's been good for us to prove to ourselves that we can live independent lives.

Do you feel like this has made your relationship with your partner stronger or might have brought you and your partner closer than you were ?

When my boyfriend and I are together, we communicate a lot through physical touch. That's how we comfort each other, how we communicate comfort or anxiety. Being so far apart means that we've gotten much better at communicating needs, wants, and support verbally.

Would you have any tip to share as to how to try to make a long distance relationship work ?

I think my tips would be to just have very good communication about how you're feeling about the relationship. It's also important for both people to have independent, decently busy lives, so you're not just sitting around missing your partner all the time.
For my partner and I, our time apart has been a positive experience--though we're now starting to feel like we've gotten most of the benefits of being apart and are simply ready to be back together again. That said, we had an established relationship for quite some time before the relationship became long distance. We had become very, very attached to each other, and used to spending huge portions of our waking hours together (in the way that you can only really do in college), and now we are probably much more capable of find a balance of time together with time apart.

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