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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » issues with mother

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Author Topic: issues with mother
mishbetulah
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Member # 26799

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This issue has been going on for a while and I'm not sure what to do next so I decided to post it here. I am 18 and in my last year of high school. Lately it seems like my mom and I have been arguing a LOT -- I hardly ever get in arguments with other people, and I am trying so hard to keep calm with her too because I don't want to argue with her. I have tried to make compromises as much as I can, but we still argue on a daily basis. I have tried talking to her about this repeatedly. When I bring up the topic, I feel like I'm making myself vulnerable by sharing my feelings and being so honest. But her responses seem hardheaded and insensitive. My sister also has issues with her, similar to mine, but she usually just starts crying about it and nothing gets solved.
Because I find her so difficult to deal with, I can't talk to her about things I wish I could. I feel like I don't have a role-model in my life, an older person to ask questions and talk to. This is especially hard because my family moves a lot. I really want to work out my relationship with my mom because it is very stressful for me to have to worry about this. Any suggestions would be appreciated, thanks in advance.

Posts: 5 | Registered: Jan 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Ecofem
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Member # 13388

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I know where you're coming from, mishbetulah. I fought bitterly with my mom throughout high school– and things escalated from horrible to even worse my senior year.

Your mom most surely means well, but also is frustrated and reacting in a negative way. What I'd recommend is just trying to get through the year until graduation as best you can. Try to tune out or physically leave when the yelling starts, and look to other friends or family members or other adults as the role models and support.

It sounds like a cop out and it doesn't necessarily make it better, but sometimes it's the best you can do temporarily. (I'm assuming it's general nagging and such, not abuse?) My relationship with my mom improved very, very much since going off to college/moving out. (I've been away from home for 5 years now and currently live across the ocean from her.) We each had our space and could appreciate each other more. I'm not guaranting anything, but most people find their relationships with their parents improve once they move out.

My mom still nags and can make me feel really crappy, but I've learned to deal with that better, like I realize she's just going to be the way she is.

A temporary fix?: I found that our communication was better when we were driving in the car and being away from home in general; it may not be a heartfelt discussion, but tagging along with her during errands or, say, bingo night provides neutral togetherness time. I find phone conversations go amazingly well, but this tends to work when you're not at home. What about writing her a letter with your feelings? It might also prove a more neutral way to communicate.

So, please try to make the best of what you can. Enjoy your other relationships. And remember that you and your mom will (hopefully, not to be morbid) have a lot more time together in the future, and your relationship could change for the better then.


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-Jill
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Member # 5375

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Moving to Parents, Adults and Teens.
Posts: 3641 | From: Truckee, CA, US | Registered: Sep 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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