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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » family neglect because they found out you had sex

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Author Topic: family neglect because they found out you had sex
Member # 15013

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ok, heres the story: im from a filipino family and they are so strict on sex issues. they expect there children to stay virgins until theyre 18. but i dont agree with that and i rebelled against it. now i need someone to talk to about my sex issues and my family sucks and they dont want to hear about it which makes me so angry. they are all ignoring me now because i was honest about me having sex (im 16 by the way) and they think im the black sheep of the family now. has anyone had a problem similar like this where your family was not supportive of you at all???
Posts: 9 | From: Vallejo, California, U.S.A | Registered: Oct 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 15020

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I understand how you feel. Being of Greek background (Dad Greek, Mom Canadian), there is a huge double standard attached to sex. If I was a boy it would be OK with my dad. However, since I'm a girl, I've had to keep it a secret from him. Since I became sexually active last July I've told my mom, because I've needed help and support on some sexual issues (birth control, cystitis etc) and it made me feel bad to keep something that was so important in my life a secret. My dad even asked me if I was still on the Pill (I used to be on it for painful periods) and I lied and said no!

My rationalization of this unfortunate situation is that if the family member is going to be unreasonably concerned, save everyoen the trouble of not telling them. Perhaps you have an older sibling or cousin you could turn to for help if you come across any sexual problems. Other teenagers/young adults in your family are unlikely to turn their backs, they might have gone through the exact same thing as you!

This is a tough situation and I can only really offer sympathy. Hang in there, stay strong and stick to your convictions

Posts: 25 | From: Toronto, ON, Canada | Registered: Oct 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Gumdrop Girl
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Member # 568

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i'll send this to parents, adults and teens.

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Posts: 12677 | From: Los Angeles, CA ... somewhere off the 10 | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 182

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Instead of moving into the dorms I decided to get an apartment with my long time boyfriend. In all actuality it is much cheaper for me than living in the dorms, however the money my parents provide me for college is specifically not allowed to be used on my rent because they disaprove of my living situations. Even though they are paying twice as much on my brother's dorm room with no problems. This has put a lot of stress on me to find ways to pay for my apartment when there is absolutely no work in the town.

My parents don't exactly neglect me because I have sex, but when my mom first found out she was downright mentally abusive about it and still is today (to a lesser extent).

Its hard for parents to realize their children are growing up, and it feels like it is happening too fast. They want their morals and expectations to be upheld by their children. That isnt an excuse to be neglectful, but it might explain why they are.

Posts: 523 | From: Ashland, Oregon, US | Registered: Jun 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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