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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Need some help about a guy

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Author Topic: Need some help about a guy
lolathefish
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Member # 33683

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Ok here is a long story. Any advice is appriciated even thought most people will just say well its up to you...

There is a guy in my school his name is uh Joe he has liked me since i started at that school which was last september. Now i have really bad self esteem so as many of you may understand i find it really hard to belive that a guy likes me that much for that long. Anyways i said i would go out with him at least one date but i dont know anymore. He is a greay guy nice funny apparently likes me but he is well not the best looking guy and my frieds all say say no u can do better. I am ignoring that bit but the thing is when i am going out with a guy i am always thinking he doesnt really like me, he is only going out with me cause he thinks i am the only one that will say yes. Etc. Does anyone else ever feel like that? I get most of the people who reply to this will say you need to think better of yourself and all that jazz but does anyone have any advice in this situation other than the usual?

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Life is to short to be spent waiting for someone to come along. Just keep living and making every day worth it and the person your waiting for will come along anyway.

Posts: 40 | From: Canada | Registered: May 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Castaway
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Just my personal opinion, I think you should give it a chance, test his affection towards you, don't make it seem like you're playing mind games though. Low self-esteem or not, I think you should, as they say, "test the waters" before diving in, to make sure he's telling the truth.
Posts: 89 | From: Somewhere in dreamland.... | Registered: Apr 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
-Jill
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It sounds like this guy has a genuine interest in you. Has it occurred to you that many, if not most people, would rather not date than date someone they didn't like?

A couple of things that might help: Get rid of the concept of "doing better." People aren't grades of meat -- you can't look at them and determine their quality. If you're interested in this guy, and it sounds like you are, take a chance and go on that date. Once you get to know him you might find that you're even more attracted to him than you originally thought or you might find that he's not someone you want to spend time with. Both are valid, but neither make him better or worse. Does that make sense?

The other thing that might help your self esteem? Being very choosy about your friends. If your friends routinely judge people based on superficial things, that puts a lot of pressure on you to meet their standards to prevent them from judging you. If you have to devote a lot of time to being what someone else thinks you should be, your self esteem is definitely going to suffer.

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I would have girls regard themselves not as adjectives but as nouns. --Elizabeth Cady Stanton

Posts: 3641 | From: Truckee, CA, US | Registered: Sep 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
lolathefish
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Both of those helped. thanks

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Life is to short to be spent waiting for someone to come along. Just keep living and making every day worth it and the person your waiting for will come along anyway.

Posts: 40 | From: Canada | Registered: May 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
NeoWings
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You'd be surprised how much you may actually have in common with someone if you give them a chance, and how close a connection can grow, despite what others may say. Think of it this way-he asked YOU out, not THEM. So in the end, you need to act upon YOUR opinion. If you feel his personality appeals you you, then trust me-appearance issues fix themselves.

Also, NEVER EVER think you're not good enough to be dateable. That's a load of lies that the media likes to trick you into, and everybody, no matter what their looks/circumstances, deserves to love and be loved in a relationship. Here's my proof:

Until I started college, I felt the exact same way. I had only one epic fail relationship prior to that and a huge crash-and-burn crush prior to graduating that still haunted me when I started college. I felt since I was an unusual girl, "fat" (we all think we're fat at some point XD), uglier than sin, a virgin, had big family problems, and a training engineer, I was therefore incapable of love.

However, a guy that I had known for years as a friend, but as noting more up and said one day he liked me. To be honest, I thought I was rebound from a girl he liked in high school. All my friends said that it was completely from left field but thought it was outrageously cute, which made me freak even more, and pressured me into dating-but I pushed that aside; he asked ME out, not THEM; therefore it was MY opinion that counted. I wondered what he saw in the pitiful ball of nerves I thought I was. But the occasion I felt was so rare, I figured I'd give it a shot-I didn't expect it to go very far at all, maybe a few weeks, before realizing the freak I was and running for the hills.

It's now a year later, and I'm in one of the biggest life-changing relationships with a guy I've had. And I now know that what I felt about myself was completely wrong. I realized that there was actually a lot to love about me, and I realized we had a lot on common ourselves, so I'm very glad I took the chance.

Plus, when I started dating him I thought he was alright in appearance;nice eyes,w/e, but not absolutely hot. Like I said, a few months in after I got to know him and felt closer to him, I looked at him one day and he took my breath away-I realized how really handsome he was! It just takes time to realize it. Inner beauty can play a big role in outer beauty-it just takes time sometimes.

Hope this helped [Smile]

Posts: 6 | From: Miami, FL | Registered: Dec 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
lolathefish
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It did and thats a fantasic story! Good for you.

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Life is to short to be spent waiting for someone to come along. Just keep living and making every day worth it and the person your waiting for will come along anyway.

Posts: 40 | From: Canada | Registered: May 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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