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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » bringing up strange things

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Author Topic: bringing up strange things
Member # 29737

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I suppose this is pretty much going to be unanswerable...but i was just wondering if anyone has any input because I am kinda confused and don't really wanna talk about this with any of my friends:
So basically today I was "getting my grove on" so to speak, and my bf wasn't really feeling it, which was slightly disappointing but whatevs...but for some reason he just brought up some strange somewhat irrelevant but maybe not things. First he started talking about how he always has to come to my place and I never go to his place...okay...but I don't see how it seemed to him to be relevant to the situation, when I asked how it was relevent he said he didn't know he forgot where he was going. Then he randomly brought up an incident from when we first started dating...apparently I fell asleep well giving him oral. On one level, this might be the most hilarious thing I've ever heard, but on deeper thought, it's odd that he never told me before. He said he didn't tell me cause he didn't think I would remember it happening, and that he thought he was really boring. I kinda felt bad, I take sleeping pills (which he knows) and so if I was especially tired or whatever, and he often likes to make a move very late at night, I'm not completely surprised, but it's still kinda wierd. But I'm just so curious why he brought this up in an attempt to explain why he didn't wanna get it on today. THings have been going really well on the sexual side of things lately...He doesn't have an answer for why he brought it up...

Posts: 246 | From: canada | Registered: Jul 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 26390

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Just because it didn't happen recently doesn't mean he wasn't hurt, or intrigued by it. Of course, if you're taking sleeping pills, then I don't blame you for falling asleep if it was late and you were tired! But I also understand that he might feel confused. Maybe you should communicate more about this kind of issue; maybe you should ask him not to initiate sex late at night. I wouldn't worry about him just bringing up the subject out of the blue. It happens, especially if it's a subject that really hasn't been discussed and isn't exactly easy to forget. He might have even been embarrassed to talk about it, especially if he thought it was his fault for being boring. It doesn't mean your sex life is unsatisfying. As with it being an attempt to explain why he wasn't feeling up to sex that day, it might be because, especially in a committed relationship, sex is about intimacy. He probably wanted to clear up doubts about something that was bothering him. I actually think it's nice of him to want to talk about it. Communication is the best thing you can have.

About you not going to his house. Is there any reason you don't want to, or don't do it too often?

Hope this helps ^^;.

"Love does not make itself in the desire for copulation, but in the desire for shared sleep." - The Unbearable Lightness of Being, Milan Kundera

Posts: 410 | From: Dallas, TX | Registered: Dec 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 29737

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hey, thanks so much for the quick response, that was very helpful. I did tell him he wasn't boring and it was because it was late and I was on pills, and he looked a little relieved. I just wish he would have brought it up earlier. This may have been part of the reason he was so skeptical to make a move, maybe I will try to talk about this with him more.

As for the not going to his house. For one, I'm not a huge fan of his room mate, but it doesn't bother me too much, when his room mate is there he is barely willing to spend time alone with me in his room...especially with the door closed for more than a few minutes unless it is at bed time. Which leads to, I don't like sleeping at his house, obv. I have a lot of trouble sleeping, and his bed doesn't even have a real mattress, the few times ive slept over there I've had an awful sleep and been dysfunctional the next day. A couple times he invited me over when his room mate wasn't there, but it is usually late at night or early in the morning. To top it off, on top of the sleep issues I have a lot of energy issues, and sometimes a fifteen minute walk can be quite a bit.

We have discussed that aspect before, but he still every now and then brings up being upset that I don't go to his house more often, I guess I'm not really sure what to do in that respect either...I have told him all that and he understands but he still is upset about it.

Posts: 246 | From: canada | Registered: Jul 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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