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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » how many months into a relationship...

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Author Topic: how many months into a relationship...
nonlinear
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Do most couples have sex, assuming it is a reasonably serious relationship? I understand that everybody is different, but do most teenage relationships (and romantic/intimate relationships in general) end up involving sexual activity? Just curious.
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appleorchard
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it totally depends on the people. some people dable in oral for a long while before having vaginal intercourse. however, I have friends who skipped all that (some what foolishly) went into sex, unprepared, thinking they'd last forever and ever (even though she knew she was leaving the state,,,forever) and the relationship ended a week later. I have been in a relationship now for 11 months, im a teenager, and have not had sexual intercourse yet. It definitely differs, unimaginably so. Some people are just waiting for the right person to elope with, me, I just wanted someone to love. Sex has always been on the back burner of our relationship.
so yes, all depends [Razz] hope i answered some if any of those questions..

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Nailo
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I have never lived in the U.S., and I don't exactly know if I'm the norm, but I'm a teenager and I've been with my first boyfriend for four and a half years now. And you know what? We've never had intercourse [Razz] . However, we don't consider ourselves virgins anymore. So to answer your question of how far into the relationship couples have sex, you have to define sex. I stopped thinking I was a virgin around 3 years ago, but others would say I still am.

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"Love does not make itself in the desire for copulation, but in the desire for shared sleep." - The Unbearable Lightness of Being, Milan Kundera

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nYko
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To be completely honest, I'd think that a huge majority of relationships amongst teenagers today involve sexual activity... while a lot shouldn't.

Who cares though? Your relationship doesn't have to be the same as everyone else's relationships. Have your own unique relationship. [Big Grin] It's yours, not theirs. Do what you want it. If you want to wait for four+ years like Nailo? Perfectly fine. If you know you're ready (what the possibly consequences are, you're ready for them, and whatnot) then by all means, have sex. As long as you both want to. [Smile]

[ 12-10-2008, 01:31 PM: Message edited by: nYko ]

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nonlinear
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thanks for your responses. Anybody else have opinions?
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StrangePudding
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Well, if you just want another person's opinion, I had sex with my boyfriend about 3 1/2 months in to our relationship. It had a lot less to do with timing (although that had a little importance, because I don't think either of us couldn't have handled having sex within just a month of dating) and more to do with our level of trust and our feelings about each other. I had previously thought I would never have sex until marriage, but once I realized that this was the man I was going to marry, it became a lot less important to me to just wait for a piece of paper. I'm not saying marriage isn't important if that's what you want (and, personally, it definitely IS what I want), but...anyway, that's getting off topic. I guess what I'm trying to say is you can't really put a time limit on these things - it's when it feels right to you. The criteria for me were being in love, knowing he was the only one I'm going to have sex with (unless something goes horribly wrong), knowing that I'll be able to handle him NOT being the only one I'm going to have sex with if something DOES go wrong, and being completely prepared to deal with a pregnancy if one occurred. Mostly, we thoroughly talked about it before we did anything. But I know not everyone has those criteria. The most important thing to do is decide what YOUR criteria is and then make sure those criteria are fulfilled before you have intercourse.
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lozzy57
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I have to agree with everyone so far, it's entirely up to you, and when you feel ready.

My boyfriend and I had only been dating a month and a half when we first had sex, and that was his first time, although we had known each other a long while before that.

As far as I'm concerned, as long as everyone knows what's going on, no ones drunk or pressured into anything, and you both understand fully about protection, (and possibly think about being over the age limit whereever you are too), then its up to you.

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Chin up darling - knock yourself out!

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MJandDC
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Totally up to you.

Just as a vote of support for waiting though--my boyfriend and I just recently had sex after dating for almost 5 years. It's possible to wait, and if that's what's right for you, you shouldn't feel bad about that. In my opinion it's the best way to avoid regrets.

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