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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Why do I feel this way?

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Author Topic: Why do I feel this way?
931
Neophyte
Member # 40496

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After my girlfriend and I broke up, I realized that a lot of things in our relationship were unhealthy and that following my own dreams in life right now is the best thing for me instead of trying to work around someone else. But I can't help feeling really down on myself and missing her. I have a lot of special memories of our relationship but at the same time I know a lot of things about it were not healthy. I am happy with the way my life is going right now because I have a lot more time for my own interests, but I still feel bad. Why do I feel like this?
Posts: 36 | From: California | Registered: Oct 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
smokey
Activist
Member # 39760

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I'm sure that while there were a lot of things in your relationship that were unhealthy, there were most likely also things in your relationship that were fine. Also, even if unhealthy acts are going on within a relationship, sometimes you just can't help but have feelings for that person, no matter how they are using you.

Just getting over these feelings will take time. I think it's great that you're happy with your life now, but I'm just speaking from experience that the bad feeling you get will just take some time to get over. You shouldn't feel like you have done anything wrong though, just keep telling yourself that... because from your earlier posts here it seems that you have been considerate towards your girlfriend.

Posts: 92 | From: Australia | Registered: Aug 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
931
Neophyte
Member # 40496

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Once a relationship has ended, is it ok to wonder whether or not it was true love? This was my first relationship and after it ended I kept unconsciously questioning what our relationship truly was. There were a lot of great moments in our relationship, but also a lot of really bad moments. How am I supposed to make sense of all of this?
Posts: 36 | From: California | Registered: Oct 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
-Jill
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 5375

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True love isn't a very precise concept; it means different things to different people and will like mean something different to you in ten yearn than it does now. Has it occurred to you that it's not important whether or not it was true love? It's pretty easy to get caught up in analyzing our relationships, but since this one is over I'm not sure how productive that will be.

What you can do is appreciate the good things and give some thought about how to bring those good things to your other relationships. You can also learn from the bad things and try to improve upon them in the rest of your relationships.

I'm sorry you're going through this. Part of breaking up is recognizing that your relationship happened the way it did and accepting that you can't go back and fix things. I'm not suggesting that you try to forget, but I am suggesting you let it go as much as you can.

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I would have girls regard themselves not as adjectives but as nouns. --Elizabeth Cady Stanton

Posts: 3641 | From: Truckee, CA, US | Registered: Sep 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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