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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Sick of Staying Single (and more)

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Author Topic: Sick of Staying Single (and more)
Castaway
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Well, it's been almost a year or so since I was dumped by my ex, and I'm still feeling it. I have no clue how long 2 years of something can get rid of. As for myself, I've been in a really down and gloomy mood. Although I have moved on (for the most part), I feel as though that I'm ready to get back into the "Game". Problem is, I just don't know who to ask, who to look for, and what to do, most importantly. I think I'm obssessed with this relationship ideal (not really to such radical extents, but you get the picture. Anyways, there's alot of pressure especially since Prom is coming up later in the year (May to be exact) and I haven't the slightest on where to look.

I'm the kinda guy who doesn't mind either a long-term or a short term, although I'm preferrable a long-term kinda guy. What sucks though is that alot of the women are either taken, not interested, or don't like me in any way, shape, or form, and I guess I could agree with them on why they don't like me. Now bear with me, I'm not trying to stereotype women in my grade or around, but I have this feeling that women would rather like some d-bag who treats them like crap than an old-fashioned guy who'd treat 'em with hugs and kisses and doesn't expect any sexual performances. I don't really let anyone know, and since this is the perfect place to release my anxiety of my problems, I come to procure the verbal medicine to my emotional ailment. Anything would do nicely, and that generic stuff doesn't really work on me, to be honest (no offense).

So please, any amount of assistance would be grately gratified, I'm losing my mind just because of this, even though I have temporary ways of keeping my mind busy of such, I don't know how much longer it will last. Also keep in mind that I'm not in a deep depressive state, just in one that sort've bogs me down from time to time.

Posts: 89 | From: Somewhere in dreamland.... | Registered: Apr 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
The Loser
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Castaway, dude, I am SOOOOO there.
A lot of what you described is exactly what I'm going through right now.

I think the best thing to do is put yourself out there. You stated that you didn't know where to look, - are you in any school clubs/organizations? That's a good place to start.
Sometimes if you're looking really bogged down, people well be less likely to approach you so try to cheer up. People also tend to be attracted to confidence (something I've had a lot of trouble with lately).

Also if there are some female acquaintances that you have already, try to make them more than acquaintances. Don't just pick one either, be friendly to all of them.
It looks less obvious that you're trying to get more than just a friendship; not that you're deceiving them or anything.

If none of those things work, sometimes it's just good to be alone to recooperate, even if we don't want to be.
You say you're a senior, so next year, if you go to college, you'll have a whole bunch of girls left and right to start off with.

Getting over a 2 year long relationship is extremely hard. I was in a 2 year long relationship about a year and a half ago and I'm still not completely over it. You didn't mention being in a relationship since then, so you may be thinking about the old relationship more because you don't have a current one to be preoccupied with.
You may just have to come to terms with that a small part of you may always have feelings for person that dumped you.
I know that a small part of me usually holds onto almost every single girl I've ever had a crush on or dated. Except some.

Anyway, you sound a lot like me so that's why I thought I would give my two cents in, even though I'm no expert..

-Tim.

Posts: 24 | From: Midwestern Region | Registered: Nov 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Castaway
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quote:
Originally posted by The Loser:
Castaway, dude, I am SOOOOO there.
A lot of what you described is exactly what I'm going through right now.

I think the best thing to do is put yourself out there. You stated that you didn't know where to look, - are you in any school clubs/organizations? That's a good place to start.
Sometimes if you're looking really bogged down, people well be less likely to approach you so try to cheer up. People also tend to be attracted to confidence (something I've had a lot of trouble with lately).

Also if there are some female acquaintances that you have already, try to make them more than acquaintances. Don't just pick one either, be friendly to all of them.
It looks less obvious that you're trying to get more than just a friendship; not that you're deceiving them or anything.

If none of those things work, sometimes it's just good to be alone to recooperate, even if we don't want to be.
You say you're a senior, so next year, if you go to college, you'll have a whole bunch of girls left and right to start off with.

Getting over a 2 year long relationship is extremely hard. I was in a 2 year long relationship about a year and a half ago and I'm still not completely over it. You didn't mention being in a relationship since then, so you may be thinking about the old relationship more because you don't have a current one to be preoccupied with.
You may just have to come to terms with that a small part of you may always have feelings for person that dumped you.
I know that a small part of me usually holds onto almost every single girl I've ever had a crush on or dated. Except some.

Anyway, you sound a lot like me so that's why I thought I would give my two cents in, even though I'm no expert..

-Tim.

I'm not exactly anti-social, but then again, I'm no outgoing guy either. I don't go for clubs or organizations either, because it's not my thing. What I really wanan do though is the American band dream and whatnot. Most of the time I have an indifferent attitude, sometimes happy, not really one of dissapointment, but on the inside it's a rather...ironic situation, let's say.

Even if I try to be acquaintences with most of the females, I'm not quite sure if it would work to my advantage. I mean, I don't care if it's some chick from school or from some other part of where I live.

With your idea of staying single whilst re-cooperating, it's a good idea in paper, but for me to try to put it in practice is like trying to make an overly active teenager not to pleasure themselves for a week. I don't know whether I'm being unnoticingly influenced by what's going around me, or if it's just something to keep myself tense untill I can find peace knowing someone wants me, or whatever.

After this year, I honestly don't know what I'm going to do. I might have to stay at my place for a little while to save up and help around, or get a job afterwards to start making a living, or I might need to save up for college. There's just no way of knowing what I'm going to do after this.

After what happened, I still feel like **** sometimes, and I can't stand that burden. Hell, I'll admit it, there might be times (rarely) where I might have to releasethe ol' tears while listening to either sappy music or songs that I can be comforted with that I can relate with, or release it in the form of anger by playing. Even so, it's only a temporary comfort untill the annoying emotional feeling comes back.

To be frank, there's still that part of me that wants to go back in time and undo what was done to make this happen. There are those moments where I just want to have her back instead of having her hate my guts, and there are just moments where I want to scream my lungs out and either hit things or hit someone. Personally, I think the only way of ridding this ailment is to get back into the game - and fast, not to avoid the past, but to embrace the future. I just don't know how to go about it since most of the women are..well..let's just say they sleep around...alot. Either that, or they, unknowingly to me, have a partner, hate my guts, or don't know me well. It's just that feeling as if yo've been screwed over and there's no way out of the mess.

Posts: 89 | From: Somewhere in dreamland.... | Registered: Apr 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
The Loser
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Hmm, I know clubs weren't really my thing either but if you really want to meet people then it really is a great place to start.
Even if there aren't any clubs that really interest you, pick the one that sounds the least boring.
I started off in a Chem club this year and it turned out to really stink, so now I've been going to the Internationl club (and yeah, I'm not international) and it's lots of fun, and it's a great place to meet teens.

What I was trying to say about trying to be acquaintances was.. really just be friendly to all the girls you know, or don't really know. Even guys. Be friendly in general, if you are, people tend to be attracted to people that are friendly or appear more approachable.
You never know who is watching you, so try not to mope.

I actually decided to apply my own advice today at Walgreens with this cash register clerk that appeared to be my age. We wound up talking for almost 20 minutes, really.
I don't even know if I'll ever see her again, but it's all in good fun.

As for the girls around you, how do you know they sleep around a lot?? I'm not saying all of them may be innocent of the rumor but you might want to give one a chance. And just because a girl has slept around doesn't mean she won't change.

Mainly I think right now you need to really focus on yourself and how you are feeling. I know what you mean about wanting to get back in the game to get on with the future and stop lingering around with the past, but you won't be able to do it if you don't lighten up a little.

Try to do more things that make you happy and feel good about yourself. Try distracting yourself with a hobby - try a new hobby. Hell, I even started building miniature airplane models to get my mind off crap.
There's plenty of things you can do.

As for the band, well... You could always post up adds at music stores. But it's always better to do those kinds of things with really good friends.
I had a band for about a year that eventually broke up... It was a real big pain keeping everyone focused. Now I fly solo and it's much better and more productive. I actually just recently released an EP out.
What instrument do you play?

Posts: 24 | From: Midwestern Region | Registered: Nov 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Castaway
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Well, I did join the chorus in hopes of increasing the chances, however, nothing has come in my favor just yet.

Where I live and go to school, most of the women..well..let's just say that they like to have sleepovers with guys...many, many guys. It's hard to say without you being in my school, to be completely honest.

Thing is, it's hard to focus on myself right now, for the most part. I don't think about the past as much, but I would still want to try to get back into the game.

There aren't alot of things that would catch my attention, besides the things I already do.

The band thing is going alright though, we just need to give the songs the structure, and record them. Won't be that hard, depending on some things. I've been playing the electric for just almost four years now.

Posts: 89 | From: Somewhere in dreamland.... | Registered: Apr 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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