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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » hm... where to begin

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Author Topic: hm... where to begin
Member # 41291

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Last year was my first year of full time college, part of an early entrance program, although I have been taking evening and summer classes since 8th grade. So although I'm now technically a college junior, I won't turn 18 for another couple of months. I felt free for the first time when I left home and went to college full time a year and a half ago. I had had several girlfriends, but this is the first time I came out as a lesbian to absolutely everyone. Until, that is, I met a boy that I fell very very hard for. I've had plenty of time to reflect and now consider myself pansexual.

Anyway, a year and a half ago said boy (present day: 19 years old) and I became friends. He was also part of this early entrance program, but he's a year older than me. When he graduated from highschool (dual credit program for HS juniors and seniors), he decided to stay at the same college. This schools offers a pretty nice scholarship, so even though he got into some top tier schools, his parents can afford it, he chose not to go. He felt that he wouldn't gain enough from those schools that would be worth a quarter million.

He plan on being a physics major, but originally declared bio/pre-med. He changes his mind a lot, but he's a wonderful, intelligent, compassionate person, and I couldn't have a better friend. I was honest with him right from the start about my feelings for him, and at first he said that he wasn't sure how he felt. Within the last six months this has started to change. We have been spending more and more time together. A few months ago we decided to lose our virginity to each other, because we trusted each other. I don't think either of us really meant for it to happen more than a few times, but I love sex with him and just making out sometimes. We have sex now about 4 or 5 times a week now. Not a day goes by where we don't spend time together, or at the very least talk. I love him. I'm in love with him. And sometimes, sometimes I get the feeling that he might might love me a little too. I know he cares about me, and thinks that I'm a great friend.

We aren't monogamous. We aren't committed. But still it feels so much to me like a relationship, and I want it to be a relationship but he just won't admit that it is.

It's kind of weird too, because I didn't care at all for monogamy until I met him. I didn't want to settle down, and I didn't want men. I've had sex with a couple other people since being with him, but not recently. And he hasn't been with anyone but me since we started having sex. He's always been into monogamy and never really interested in casual relationships. At first he was a little unsure about my past... that I'd mostly been with girls and that I didn't really like monogamy... but we've come a long way since, and I don't think we have any jealousy issues or understanding issues now.

So, why me? Why not have a relationship with me? Why not respond with something when I tell him I love him? Why not commit to something monogamous with me?

Because I know that I'm not just a sex toy, I know that I'm a close and dear friend, and I know that he cares. We talk a lot, have great conversations, and pretty good communication I think... but when I ask him those sorts of questions he just kind of shrugs or says he doesn't know, or that he needs to think.

I love this boy very, very much, but I'm a little frustrated. Does he love me? Will he ever love me? I want to call him my boyfriend -- I've had "boyfriends" who have been much less of boyfriend than him. This relationship that's not a relationship is better than any other (even my much, much longer) relationship I've ever had.

Anyway, the scholarship at this school is fantastic and I have pretty much guaranteed tuition at any in state school. However, I'm also applying to many of the ivies and other top tier schools in the north east (which btw, is far from where I am now). So, sometimes I think maybe he doesn't want a relationship since I'll more than likely be leaving?

I would be willing to do a long distance relationship with him, but we haven't discussed this. And I understand how hard it can be to maintain relationships, I mean I haven't lived at

[ 11-28-2008, 04:39 AM: Message edited by: spockish ]

Posts: 2 | From: USA | Registered: Nov 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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Have the questions you've been posing about your relationship been as a casual passing, or have you actually sat down and had a serious conversation? Because if the latter hasn't happened, that's probably why you haven't gotten a straight answer.

As far as his evasiveness goes, I wouldn't suggest posing an ultimatum, but you can phrase it eh sane way: you need to know where he stands with you in this relationship, and it isn't fair to you to continue saying that he "isn't sure" or "needs more time to think".

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Posts: 3987 | From: Greater Burlington Area, Vermont | Registered: Apr 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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