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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » "Here I go again on my own--"

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Author Topic: "Here I go again on my own--"
xne
Neophyte
Member # 41267

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Alrighty, so I'm 21, still a virgin and really quite inexperienced in the whole 'relationship area'. And, until recently, that has suited me just fine -- sure, I've had a few boyfriends on-and-off over the last few years but I've never found myself really physically attracted to any of them, and on an emotional level I've been much happier just being their friend.

However, over the last few weeks it seems, my libido has kicked into over-drive. Almost every day (or night, if you will) I find myself craving some kind of sexual satisfaction. I have thus been exploring masturbation... rather extensively (even to the point of going to a few adult stores with my stripper-friend who wanted to advise me on books/toys/whatever which was, suffice to say, quite interesting). But by myself I feel I can only go so far and I really would like to find myself in an intimate relationship with somebody. Of course, I don't want to rush into a relationship just for sex -- that would be stupid, especially considering that I'm still playing the V-card -- but I do want to find someone with whom I can be physically and emotionally content. :]

Which has brought me to quite a major hurdle -- I am incredibly socially awkward. The guys I'd been out with previously I'd known from school or work, and it had always taken them a while to even ask me out by which time I had become friends with them. Whenever they asked I would think to myself, 'I can try this out, see where is goes' and so we would go out for movies or meals or we'd just hang out and then I would realise that because they had already become my friends I couldn't really deal with them as anything more.

I've come to the conclusion that I'm just not interested in guys who I've associated with on an academic or 'professional' level. However, I'm hardly a social butterfly so I find my options quite limited -- I'm not really a fan of clubbing or parties or whatnot and I don't drink or smoke (I absolutely abhor smokers). And it seems to me that these days you're hard pressed to find interesting fellas who aren't into these things either...

I just really don't know how to go about looking for a good relationship -- that I hope will move to a more intimate level. It's really quite frustrating.

And so here I am, really hoping I might find some advise that will help set me on the right course... ;]

Posts: 1 | From: Australia | Registered: Nov 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Zento
Neophyte
Member # 41280

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Although I'm a guy, I've kinda went through a similar situation (social awkwardness, becoming friends before getting the nerve to ask them out, etc...). I had a friend who out of the blue asked me out one day. I was kinda crushing on her though, so I said yes. One year later we're still going out.

Is there a guy you like, someone that you can possible see yourself with in a year or so? If so, then ask him out. Yeah, it's not normal, but who cares in this day and age.

Social awkwardness is easy to overcome, by the way. Just be friendly to everyone, accept everyone as they are. I did this and now it seems that everyone knows me, almost to the point of creepy! I have a lot of friends that smoke, drink, whatever, just by accepting them as they are. I may not do any of that stuff (in fact I can't stand the smell of smoke), but I can put up with it.

Don't feel sad at not finding a guy soon. It'll take time. There are guys out there that are actually good guys that don't smoke, don't drink, and care about other people. I can't be the only one. Just keep your hopes up.

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-Zento-

Posts: 1 | From: Somewhere. | Registered: Nov 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
smokey
Activist
Member # 39760

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Yes I can totally understand social awkwardness. What I've learnt myself is that keeping an open mind is a good idea in relationships, because you might get surprised by how different the guys you are attracted to are from the guys you thought you were attracted to are. Especially from what you have said I imagine that branching out and maybe meeting guys with different interests to your own could be a good thing. Just sit tight and keep your chin up. I'm not sure what other people think, but I believe finding a relationship that fits into the 'romance' category is mainly just a chance thing.
Posts: 92 | From: Australia | Registered: Aug 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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