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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » phone + bathroom?

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Author Topic: phone + bathroom?
Member # 39074

Icon 1 posted      Profile for lisabear89     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
So, this might seem like a strange topic, but my family made me feel like a complete weirdo when I told them something about my relationship with my boyfriend..

First off, my boyfriend and I are extremely close. We've been going out for almost a year, and he's my best friend. Sometimes, when we're talking on the phone, one of us will take the conversation into the bathroom to do whatever, and yes, that includes using the toilet. Personally, since it's my boyfriend, I don't think it's weird. But I mentioned it to my mom that we do this (thinking that it was just something quirky about us), and she gave me this long lecture about how my boyfriend and I need "boundaries", making me feel completely as if we were doing something wrong. I mentioned it to my sister, and she agreed with my mom! I'm an insecure person, and I don't take criticism well, and so this kind of hit me a little hard, and I felt really sad.

My boyfriend and I do have some boundaries, as in things that he keeps to himself and that I keep to myself. But I guess what I want to ask is if anyone else does this bathroom thing? Is it considered strange? Did I overreact to my family?

Posts: 23 | From: somewhere. | Registered: Jun 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 39976

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Hey, I don't really reply much, because I can't find very many similarities to my own relationship to others. For this topic though, I definitely can relate. I can't necessarily say if it is bad or not, but I do it, and so does my girlfriend. I mean, if we are comfortable with each other's bodies and our own, isn't it a normal bodily function? We have boundaries, but for us, this is sort of normal. Hopefully that relates.

"I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox."
Woody Allen

Posts: 39 | From: Iowa | Registered: Aug 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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Member # 37835

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Can you ask them to elaborate on why they feel like that's a boundary that you shouldn't cross? It might be that they believe that there are certain things that are "gross" and therefore you should hide them from the person you're with (I have an aunt who's been married almost 20 years, and still hides her pads and tampons from her husband on that principle...). Some people would consider it strange, that's true, but I think a whole lot of people wouldn't. I personally found it strange when my boyfriend was still at college with me, and he wouldn't even be in the dorm bathroom at the same time as me (it had stalls!) for like the first six months of our relationship. So the feeling can go both ways.

(And on a side note, my parents totally called me yesterday when I was on the toilet. I picked up.)

Anyways, so long as the two of you feel comfortable with something, I don't see anything at all wrong with it. Not at all.

I also see being comfortable with things like normal bodily functions as leading to more open and honest discussions about things like sex (of all types). Being comfortable with someone your dating is really important, and if this is just one way you express that comfort, I say more power to you.

Posts: 2262 | From: in transition | Registered: Apr 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 39654

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My mum did the same thing when i took the phone into the bathroom while i was in the bath befor. I felt so bad and stupid. [I still do it though because i dont care what she says about that; why can't i? he can't se me!]
I don't take it in when im on the loo though vut thats just my own personal thing [I can't go if someone can hear me] But he does it all the time so theres nothing wrong with us all is there? It's perfectly normal!

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Member # 40413

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Everyone has different comfort levels. Just because you're family members wouldn't be comfortable in a similar situation doesn't mean you should be uncomfortable with it too. I personally think that it's good to be that open and comfortable with you're boyfriend(My boyfriend and I talk on the phone in the bathroom too).
Posts: 17 | From: New York | Registered: Sep 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 32771

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hey lisabear89,
i would just like to add something here.
dont feel bad about it really, if it help u
in something, well, ive been dating my bf for more than two years now. At first i wouldnt be able
to go to the bathroom and pee infront of him, you know while hed b brushing his teeth or somthing, but now i do !! and he does too
i mean for us is normal, cause THat FOR US, is something normal in a human body.
hehehe the other day he even farted infront of me! and instead of he being embarrased and me feeling disgusted, we just laughed really hard about it u know. just take things easy [Big Grin]

i hope this helps you relax. xoxo.


Posts: 68 | From: China | Registered: Feb 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 39760

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Haha I was reading all these posts and thought I should add my own take to the whole idea of it... and to be totally honest I'm not at all comfortable with the idea of speaking on the phone to anyone while i'm on the toilet. I just sort of feel as if it's a vulgar habit, but in the same way some people think it's vulgar to brush your teeth or urinate while in the shower... it's all about personal preference. If it works for you and you don't think there's anything wrong with it then I don't see why you should change that... just because I have my views on it doesn't mean you should feel compelled to change yourself to fit that.
Posts: 92 | From: Australia | Registered: Aug 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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